Fitting In Is Overrated

Fitting In Is Overrated

Hint: It won't matter in the real world
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As you leave high school, you are supposed to leave the social hierarchy. This unspoken thing that says some people are popular and some people are not. That is a high school mentality that unfortunately doesn't leave everyone when they begin or are in college. Some people still have that same mind set in their brains and it affects how they interact with others. They may be snobbish to some people or scared to talk to some people depending on whether they were the popular kid or the "geek". But college isn't supposed to be like that. It is supposed to be a place where you can let go of who you were prior and start fresh. It's the place where you begin to realize that in the real world, no one cares if you were popular in high school. No one cares about anything you did in high school because it was just high school. It was four years of your life that felt long while you were in them, but that move quicker than you could imagine. College is the same thing. No matter how long you were in college, it has a beginning and an end. All the problems you thought were so monumental, will be trivial when you're an actual adult with kids of your own.

In saying this, I would like to point out that the whole dynamic of being popular or not, stems from "fitting in". The popular kids usually dressed the best, they knew everything about pop culture as it related to them. They seemed to fit into any situation with little effort and with ease. While the unpopular kids had a harder time trying to relate. They didn't like the same things the other kids liked. They were individuals. News Flash: The unpopular kids were on to something!

Fitting in with the crowd is overrated. The most popular people in the world (I'm talking celebrity status) are people who don't fit in. Who think outside the box and change up the status quo. People who aren't afraid to be different and actually relish in the fact that they are different. There's nothing wrong with being in a group of people that like the same things, that's usually how you make friends. I'm not saying we should all like different things and disagree on everything. I'm not even saying there is something wrong with being popular. My argument is that people should not be isolated because they are different. People should not be lead to feel they are less than because they don't fit in.

I sometimes feel I don't fit in with my generation. I'm not into all the same things and I think differently. I joke that I'm a 40-year-old woman trapped in the body of a 21-year-old. Even my grandmother once told me I act as if I've been on this planet before like this is my second go at life. I don't know if I believe that, but I sometimes wonder what's wrong with me. Because I'm different from other 21-year-olds. But then I think, I'm a product of my environment and have begun developing my own philosophies about life. This doesn't mean there is something wrong with me, but because I sometimes feel isolated for my behavior, I will question myself. This isn't fair. No one questions the people who do whatever it seems like they are supposed to do. No one thinks they are strange for fitting in. It's perfectly normal to be like everyone else. But the people that stand out, they are often looked down upon.

Now before anyone gets mad, this is not an article looking down on the people who fit in. I'm not trying to say there is something wrong with you. We are all entitled to our own personalities, likes and dislikes, I am only trying to point out that fitting in isn't the only way to live. If a person is fine following the trends of society in whatever way that means, if they are doing it because they get actual enjoyment from it and not because they fear they will be called a loser or lose their friends, then, by all means, do that. But don't make the people who are their own trendsetters feel bad for what they like. In this world, we can't all be the same. Life would be boring. It would be like having a room with all on color in it. Or having to eat the same food everyday for the rest of your life. It's not fun. We need people to shake things up and add variety to life. Spice it up. Be different. And know there's nothing wrong with you whether you follow the crowd or not.

When you graduate and join the work force. When you have bills to pay and kids to feed. When you have actual life problems to solve and not just finals and who unfollowed you, when you're an actual adult and college is far behind you, you won't care about the trivial things that plagued your younger years. None of the fitting in or not fitting in will matter in the large scheme of things so I offer this suggestion. Get a jump start on that mentality now. Stop caring about whether you do or you don't. Hang out with people who don't make you question that and know that who you are is exactly who you are supposed to be.

Cover Image Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/141357139@N03/26587851032/

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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Becoming Kinder To Myself

My biggest bully is my own mind and I'm sick of being the victim.

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I've always known how important self-love is, but I've only recently realized the depths of what it means. For me, the hardest part about loving myself is the fact that I've been conditioned to hate myself. I say the meanest things in my head and constantly try to tear myself down. While I am confident in the person I am, I don't think I love myself in the way I need to.

It's 2019, and I've decided it's going to be the year of me. This year, I will fall in love with myself. I will stop thinking I am the problem. I will stop letting my worries get in my way. I am constantly motivating my friends and encouraging them to do whatever is necessary to make themselves happy.

So, why haven't I been doing that for me?

I show kindness to everyone I meet, but perhaps I am the one who needs my kindness the most. I'm never going to get what I want if I feel as though I don't deserve it. I'm never going to achieve my goals if I don't think I have the ability to do so.

I would never kick someone when they're down, so this year, I'm going to start applying that to myself. The negative thoughts will come and go, but it's time that I stop feeding them. I see myself negatively, and the only way that's going to change is if I fight it with a lot of positivity.

Self-love is more than being confident in your own skin; it's being kind to yourself and treating yourself right. I always feel like my mind controls me, but it's time to start controlling my mind. My mind is going to become a place of positivity and encouragement, and it all starts with simply replacing my thoughts that stem from hatred to thoughts that come from love.

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