For those of you who are avid watchers of the hit TV show "Friends," you are well aware that there are very many life lessons the show has to offer, one common lesson that arises being on relationships. Now, I’m not about to talk about the underlying meaning between Ross and Rachel’s big “on a break” fiasco, so don’t worry about having to confuse yourself any further with that situation. Instead, I’m going to reference a scene that I picked up on a few days ago while watching the show. In season four, episode 10, Chandler attempts to find Rachel a boyfriend. Rachel begins with telling Chandler that she isn’t looking for anything serious, just a “fling.” Chandler relays this information back to the men at his office and is overwhelmed by the amount of men lining up to get set up with Rachel. However, once Chandler selects Rachel’s eligible bachelor, she mentions that she may want something serious with him after all, and, being the awkward and somewhat socially impaired man that Chandler is, he tells Rachel’s new man that things may escalate more quickly on her end than his. Long story short, he calls it off, leaving Rachel to say, “Chandler, you never tell the guy that you want something serious. You just don’t do that!”
I’m sure you’re all wondering what the relevance of this little backstory is to the title of this article. How could it have anything to do with defining a relationship? Well, allow me to shed a little light on the topic. With summer approaching and almost everyone returning back home, I have heard overwhelming amounts of talk about what everyone is going to be doing… and who with. Girls are worried about whether or not they will have a boy to walk with them on the beach late at night, and guys are stressing about whether or not they will have a “reliable hookup” all summer. Well, not to worry anymore friends, the perfect solution is here, and if I do say so myself, it’s not a bad one.
The fact that girls have to sit around and worry about wanting something serious, but feeling like that won’t be reciprocated by a guy is absurd to me. Yet, what’s more absurd is all the guys sitting around that are worrying about whether or not they will have to drop their “reliable hookup” because they just want casual and they worry she wants to get serious. Entering into summer, a realization needs to occur to everyone: girls, stop convincing yourselves that you need to find your husband right now, and guys, stop convincing yourselves that every woman you meet wants to marry you.
Everyone I know moves at their own pace… for anything. In school, working out at the gym, and in relationships, rarely are any two people exactly the same. That being said, why is it that everyone starts to jump to conclusions about people being the same and wanting the same things all the time? We all need to take a step back and start to realize that relationships don’t have to have a “label” before you even enter into them. Yes, you may be looking for something serious, but if you’re having fun and you’re happy while you’re doing it, then who cares! Allow yourself to be happy and just let things play out. Conversely, if you want something completely casual and then halfway through you start to realize that you may actually have feelings for the other person (I know, god forbid, right?), then maybe try to have a conversation with the other person and see where they stand on the matter. Regardless, you don’t need to define what you want or what needs to happen in a relationship before you even enter into it. Far too often do people sit and gossip with their friends about how “he’s just not a relationships kind of guy” or, “she’s just the type of girl who’s going to try to pin me down” okay, great, but who are you to say that? Like I said, every person is different and unless you go in with an open mind and give the other person a chance, you will never know what could come out of it.
In case you haven’t figured it out by now, allow me to clear up the relevance that my little reference to "Friends" in the beginning of this article has. The point is that women associate men with being afraid of commitment, as they should. In addition, men associate women as never being OK with casual flings, as they should. Right? Wrong. The generalization that both men and women have about the other are causing people to overthink--what should and can be--the simplest situations. Are some men afraid of commitment? Of course, but guess what… some women are too! Shocking right? And although not all women like casual things, neither do all men, and some women actually don’t mind them!
So, before making generalizations and trying to define the relationship before you’ve even started any kind of relationship, play it by ear. Don’t ask the other person, “what are you looking for?” right off the bat, because they don’t know! You might change their mind at the end of the day. Live your life, have fun, and above anything else, just take things one day at a time without telling yourself what you want before you even have the experience.
Who knows, if Rachel had done that, maybe she wouldn’t have gotten off the plane after all…
