One constant stays always throughout everybody’s freshman year of college: everything changes. That much will always be true. And while the occasional long-distance couple makes it through this strained, stressful time, these couples are in the minority. To be blunt, one way or another, most couples that come into college from high school succumb to the inevitable: they drop like flies.

It’s difficult and it’s confusing. Break-ups hurt. Some are mutual and some are completely one-sided. In any case, and no matter what side of the relationship you are on, it comes with great pain. And this seems to be a curse upon all college freshmen. I’ve seen even the strongest of relationships crumble. And while you might think that if you survive the first semester barrier then you’re in the clear, you’re not. Within the last month I’ve seen three different couples who seemed to have it all simply dissolve.

Let me clarify that this does not apply to every couple out there. Some really do make it work beautifully. Some make it all the way through college. Some even get married. They grow old together. But for the majority of freshmen, why does it just not work?

The simple answer of course is the distance. One might feel tied down in an entirely new world surrounded by singles who are out to meet new people and have a good time. When everything is new and different in your new life except for your relationship, it can feel out of place and anticlimactic. That’s the simple answer.

But is there another answer? Is there an underlying reason for these break-ups that no one seems to notice? Some of my suitemates and I spent our Galentine’s Day having a girls’ night in, and naturally, ended up having a deep, lengthy discussion about boys, relationships, and our futures. We realized that the underlying reason might be that the majority of relationships don’t have a solidified end goal.

I don’t just mean marriage per say. Though it is terrifying how much that thought runs through everyone’s mind in college in terms of deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship. I more mean that while some couples see this period of time as fleeting and know when they will be physically together again for good, the majority do not.

Military couples, for example, know that their loved ones will be deployed for a set period of time and have faith in when they will be together again. College couples, on the other hand, haven’t the slightest idea where they will be in four years, where they might get a job, or even what degree they might have. With this in mind, it is difficult to comprehend being with the same person who in fours years could easily have a drastically different life plan.

In anything you do, there has to be a goal in mind. If not, there is no way to keep moving forward. I do not write this to discourage any couples from trying to make things work in college. Rather I write this to tell those feeling confused or hurt because things didn’t work out that it’s okay. It’s normal. It does hurt in the present, but the hurt won’t last forever. Someone else will be out there who will share your dreams and your goals. Someone will be out there who is your perfect sweetheart. And when that time comes, everything will work itself out.