Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750.
When Samuel Johnson said this he meant “man” generically because we know this can easily go for men and women alike. A friend recently asked me for advice on relationships and dating. I explained to him that I will listen and only offer advice as I can because I am not some professional. He complained to me that his relationship was not going so well and he thinks they are at a point where they are about to break up and call it quits. I was instantly concerned because I thought things were going well for them. I asked him what seems to be the problem? He blamed her and said, “she says I’m changing and she doesn’t like who I am becoming and I told her this is who I am.”
I then told him this would be easy to solve, so I asked why does she think you are changing? After continuing to listen to him, I soon discovered that he was at fault and she was right. You see my friend decided subconsciously, to win her affection and attention, that he was going to start going out to the places that she likes to go and doing things that she likes to do. And although these things were fun they were outside of his comfort zone.
He continued to build this relationship based on a false personification of himself. She fell in love with him and they continued to date. Six months later things aren’t going so well because he has finally let his guard down and is deciding to be himself again. Well, she has a right to be mad because you made her fall in love with a facade. Fear of rejection is always unsettling so we adapt to our surroundings instead of being honest with ourselves. Standing out is a way of being noticed.
Avoid wasting precious moments in your life. Be the person you are at all times. Judy Garland stated, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else”. You will find love, or it will find YOU. Just don’t keep YOU in hiding. Learn to be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. Be proud of your accomplishments and live life to its fullest doing the things that you love. You never know; someone may see you enjoying life and want to become a part of your world. And as always