In my previous articles , I wrote on how to to find someone worth dating. Whether male or female, there are steps that needed to be taken, whether in eliminating the wheat from the chaff or making yourself a better person, before a relationship can begin. However, those were the easy steps. Dating, and all it entails, is one of the hardest things a person may do in their lifetime.

The first, and probably the most crucial, difficulty is the idea that you are choosing a potential mate to spend the rest of your life with. Now I know the moment that is read, red flags go up everywhere and people think, "Well, it may not be the person you're going to marry, it probably won't end in marriage anyway, so why should it be taken seriously?." To which my question in response would be, "Why are you dating if you do not intend it to end in marriage?" If the goal is for the relationship to end at some point anyways, why be in it? You're wasting both of your times.

The logical conclusion then, is to date with the intention of marriage. I also know that the idea of dating to marry, some may call it courtship, is old-fashioned, but so are lasting marriages, so maybe we need a little old fashioned in our culture. However, courtship requires a different approach than the common dating scene, and my primary focus of this piece is to enlighten people to the shifts that should happen to make the choice of a potential husband or wife a little easier. Dating is so hard because we date foolishly.

Modern dating generally follows this pattern:

The couple meets, they begin dating as soon as they feel some sort of attraction, they then get to know each other while dating, they find out "they just aren't compatible", the relationship ends like a mini-divorce, and the couple never speaks to each other again. At the end the only thing the couple is left with is a broken heart apiece and a ruined friendship. My solution to this issue is pretty simple, and it even seems to be the most logical.

Get to know them before you date. Instead of meeting someone and then instantly claiming to be in love, find out if you are similar people through being friends. Just slow down and hang out. Become friends before you even think about becoming lovers. "But then if we date and break-up, it may ruin the friendship". But it seems that, of the two options listed, at least this one gives you the gain of a friend. Secondly, if you date with the intention to marry, it is less likely you will let petty things break you up anyway. And if you seriously consider making someone your boyfriend or girlfriend, you will be able to see the "incompatibilities" before they arise in your potential relationship.

Dating to marry is wise, but I am not naive enough to say that the idea is perfect. We are imperfect people therefore virtually everything will do will be imperfect. This means that even with the best intentions, dating to marry or courting, a relationship can be toxic. To which now, I am going to address couples that are dating at this moment.

To make dating easier, you both must learn to communicate. You both have got to be open and honest with each other if any kind of fruitful relationship is to develop. This means asking the hard questions. Asking questions of faith, money, family, and politics are all NECESSARY in the dating realm. Find the answers to these questions through vulnerability and honesty, and this will save you from an indescribable amount of heartache. Furthermore, these questions need to be asked early on in any relationship to see if the relationship is worth pursuing. Example, if the desire or lack of for children is never spoken about, and a couple gets married only to find out she doesn't want kids and he wants four, they are in a pickle. Have these conversations early on, so you can avoid fighting about them when you are married and so you don't waste your time.

You have to be able to talk about the hard issues in order to have a healthy relationship. But with these talks, disagreements will be had. Which is where the next tip in successful dating comes in.

Learn to compromise on non-essential issues. Not every issue is make or break for a relationship. I would argue that if faith, family ideas, and finances are in alignment, the rest of the issues can be resolved through compromise. Granted that is a blanket statement, so it may not apply to every instance, but it is a good standard to hold up. An example on how to compromise would be, what movies you see together. Men, I understand Notebook may not be your absolute favorite movie, but sit down and watch it with her, because she loves that movie and you love her. Women, I know there are 150 Mission Impossible's, but if he likes to watch them, watch them with him sometimes.

Now as soon as I write that some boy or girl is instantly going to use the compromise system to their own advantage. "Well, I compromised for you on this, so now you have to compromise with me on this." DO NOT DO THAT! Keeping score kills relationships. You compromise out of love, not out of selfish gain.

In summary, communicate and compromise. But do both with the interest of the other person in mind. You are in a relationship, and that requires two people to work well, not one profiting off the other. I am going to continue on next week in the difficulties of dating, because a good friend of mine mentioned to me that it was a topic that needs to be discussed. Thanks for the read, I pray this helps anyone seeking guidance.

Shoutout to Shelbi Renaldo, of Shelbi Raines Photography, for the awesome photos. Contact her through Facebook if you are interested in booking a photo shoot. As always, give a like and a share if you found this helpful in any way.