We’re taught from a young age that when a boy is mean to you, he likes you. When a boy teases you and picks on you, it’s because he has a crush on you and doesn’t want to say it. A girl is taught to validate her feelings about herself and perception of herself based on what boys think of her - if a boy thinks she’s pretty, it means she’s pretty, but if a boy thinks she’s ugly, then you guessed it - she’s ugly. Girls have to work for compliments from boys, and the more skin you show, the better. We’re taught that the girl with the short skirt and low cut shirt is the one who’s going to get the boys to look at her, she’s the one who’s going to get the boyfriend. We need to cover our imperfections with makeup because boys don’t want to see pimples or redness on your face, while boys can let their imperfections show without being told to cover them because girls should accept that. When you start dating the boy, he basically has any right to touch you or use you for his benefit, and you’re used as a doll. Girls are arm candy, and should be okay with that. You’re a pretty face to show off to the world, a good body to make his friends jealous, and a cute smile to show his parents how their son has picked a good girl.

This notion of a boy being mean to you shows that he likes you needs to be taken out of the way society teaches our children. As girls grow into women, women continue to believe it. Once you’re programmed into believing a certain thing is right, it’s hard to get out of that mindset. Social Media is overflowing with pictures and gifs of couples tagged with the hashtag #relationshipgoals. Popular television show couples are usually the ones being portrayed as having the perfect, ideal relationship. Specially, Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl is a show that almost every girl has seen. If you haven’t seen an episode, you’ve at least heard of it or know of the characters. As #relationshipgoals became a popular hashtag, people began linking this ideal relationship to Chuck and Blair’s. Gossip Girl is an entertaining show, and it has total appeal for their target demographic of young, teenage girls. However, the lesson these young teenage girls pick up from watching their characters relationships isn’t the healthiest. Specifically focusing on Chuck and Blair, as they have the main relationship within the show, it’s insane to see how many people glorify their relationship.

As a start, the two characters are looked at as the alpha male and female, practically. They’re both extremely fashionable, witty, and loved/feared by their peers. They have a love for each other that’s seen to be unbreakable - their bond is strong, and they are portrayed as really caring about each other. Each character have their own redeeming qualities, and these are the people you wish you were when you were in high school. They do have good moments in their relationship, being the power couple of their high school. With the good come the bad, and with a show like Gossip Girl, it’s generally focusing on the bad. Chuck is a borderline alcoholic with a drug habit and anger issues. This translates to him becoming emotionally abusive towards Blair, alongside his habits of punching glasses and throwing things which can be terrifying if you’re standing there in that moment. We can sit and go over every detail of every interaction they’ve ever had on the show, but the bottom line is it’s an abusive and manipulative relationship, point blank.

Yes, they are characters that are written to love each other. Yes, they do selfless acts of love for each other a lot during the series. They bring out the best in each other, they make each other confident and happy and everything a good relationship should. However, the manipulation and borderline psychotic extremities that these characters drive the other to reach is not something that should be strived for.

I’m not just saying Chuck Bass is the bad guy in the relationship, because Blair Waldorf is also a manipulative character. My issue isn’t with what their characters plots are or what their relationship is. My problem is with the fact that their relationship is idolized when it’s abusive from both ends, something a normal healthy relationship shouldn’t be. Yet, hundreds of girls talk about how they wish they had a relationship like theirs. The last thing we as a society need to do is glamorize abuse and abusive relationships, because it’s something that needs to be taken seriously. Yes, this is a television show, but this shouldn’t be something people feel they can just freely portray on television and have it not make a lasting impression of its viewers.