I have often had the Disney Princess ideology where I imagined a handsome prince sweeping me off my feet and we would head to the direction of the sunset to live happily ever after. I had to break it to myself a couple of times that there aren't that many princes around and I have to save my own butt to live a happy ending.
It's a bad habit of mine to think ideally in situations and with people. I have met charming guys and actually have been swept off my feet. Unfortunately (actually very fortunately), those relationships ended. When I had to move on, recover and decide to see someone else, I tend to judge them quite harshly.
Whenever we break off from a relationship, we seek similar personalities, physical features, and mannerisms from people we used to associate with. It's a comfort and also a system humans follow to feel safe and comfortable with other people that they do not know. This has definitely held true to me. However, this system has not always been useful or beneficial to me. I have found out that people are actually very different from one another and have different qualities. When I have decided to leave someone, it was always for a different reason.
It is good to have high standards when you start to see someone, but it can't be unrealistic. If I recently broke up with someone then set my standards up really high with the next guy I meet, then I will become greatly disappointed. People can be similar to each other, however, their experiences and their life will be greatly different from another person's. The decisions they have made in their life led up to where they are today and because of that they are a unique individual. Also, comparing people I may meet is simply wrong and unfair. I cannot expect a clone or an idealized person to just pop into my life. No one is perfect. Oppertunities could be missed if one is overly cautious. Keeping an open mind and an open heart is what should be implemented when seeing new people.
However, it does take some courage to keep an open heart and an open mind. At times, I get really shy or unsocial. When I am being harsh and unrealistic, it just means that I need a break from dating. Spending time with myself and doing what I want to do without having to worry about another human being is quite refreshing. My social battery needs to be recharged for a certain period of time, for weeks or even months. After feeling refreshed with myself, I am then ready to meet new people.
Overall, a man or woman should not be judged by how they closely resemble an ex or by how they should fit everything on your checklist. Some people do deserve a chance to fall into your good graces. On the other hand, if they do slip up, they gatta go. Holding onto memories, how similar someone is to who you used to associate with can be unhealthy. Going into other types of people can give a new perspective on not just how people are, but also how you are as a person.
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