Before starting I'd like to re-state that I am non-binary. However, I sometimes present myself in a way that'd be perceived as feminine; and, during these times, my experiences are those of a femme/cis-woman.

With that being said:

Men do fucked up things.

They act like shady scrubs for no just reason.

What's worse is: when those men are, or believe that they are, in positions of relative power.They often use this as a means to manipulate their interactions with people that they're attracted to.

An example of my own, recent experience with this is: when I began working with a small group–the head of which, I had to converse with prior to joining.

So I provided my contact information, and we were in touch shortly after that.

Now, from the moment we started talking, I got the sense that he was trying to flirt with me.

Like, have you ever just gotten that vibe from a person you've encountered? But you aren't sure, so you shrug it off?

Like "Hm, maybe they're just being friendly–and I'm just reading into things a bit too much."

Well, something I've found growing up is: that your intuition is a thing you'd ought to pay attention to.

For instance, in this case, mine was right–because after submitting my first piece of work–which was sexually explicit–I received a message from the head telling me that he’s “curious about it, lol” & I need to “explain it to him, lol.”

I ignored these messages because, NO. My overt sexuality DOES. NOT. translate to an open invitation for other people to become involved with me sexually.

I express myself openly for me. For the sake of my own sanity. To assert my freedom to do so. It's for me. Not anyone else.

On top of that, no pun intended (okay, maybe a little pun) he began to text me at inappropriate times–and for no reason. Like while I was at dinner, for small talk. Or to ask if he could “pick my brain” about my views on life–which, by the way, in my opinion, people shouldn't allow their brain to be picked about pretty much anything; unless "the picker" intends to compensate the "pick-ee" for their ideas. Because, if they should somehow benefit from those ideas, then so should the person who gave it to them–but I responded, because his question was pretty common placed, and so I was able to answer it generically.

But in truth, I don't believe that he really cared about the question he was asking. Rather, it was an attempt at a fake deep conversation, to impress upon me that he’s a “profound guy"–which is an all too common position that men try & assume–generally, the end game is: to get sex.

Furthermore, men often use the "I'm a nice guy" image to further manipulate during situations like this. These type of men think that since they're "nice guys" they deserve your time & attention; that you should be attracted to/inviting towards them because they're such "nice guys."

And if you aren't (attracted to/inviting towards them), this is because you “don’t want a good man” or “don’t know what a good man looks like.”

But here's the thing: if you resort to pettiness because you don’t get what you want from a person–or believe that you’re *owed* someone’s attention because you think that you've been kind to them–you're not really a nice guy.

Also, for the record, it's never ever appropriate when men use their position to try & pick people up for sex, or dates, or anything of that nature. Ever.

Like, using the personal info that you provide them with to find your personal accounts, and follow you without your permission? *Not okay*

But here's another thing about men and their ideas about personal space as it regards women: they don't respect it; and, they'll infringe upon it, given the opportunity.

Plus, following these, and other forms of imposition, if you don't respond to the advances how they want–or, rather, expect you to–they'll often resort to various forms of aggression. Which may be passive, i.e interrupting/speaking over you during that important meeting; ignoring your ideas regardless of their potential value; or, being generally rude & unkind towards you.

They may even be overtly aggressive in ways like: spreading lascivious rumors, purposefully sabotaging your ability to perform in the workplace, or elsewhere.

Violent, physical assault, and murder are not uncommon reactions from men towards those who deny their advances.

This hyperlink will direct you to: an article that exemplifies exactly what I'm talking about here. It focuses on women who've been killed by men for turning them down. However, trans individuals, and gay men are tremendously vulnerable to these forms of violence.

Which is why many people allow men to hit on them when it's unwanted, without saying anything to try and stop it.

And for what's more, men often assume that their approaches are welcome; that they're not overstepping their boundaries.

So, in the (relatively) best case scenario, they'll take your not having turned them down right away as a green light to push even further.

Or, if you do turn them down, you're stuck up.

A bitch.

Someone who has wronged them.

This way of thinking is at the core of rape culture; because a lot of the time, this is the way that an act of sexual assault is justified by the person who commits it.

It's a fucked up, twisted course of thought. But it's commonplace.

By solidifying in their own minds that you are somehow deserving of the act, they absolve themselves of guilt.

The simple act of infringing on someone's personal space when it's unwelcome, or when you're unsure of whether it's welcome or not, is rape culture.

And so I'll end by saying: that it's important to recognize the ways in which seemingly "small" things contribute to big issues. And consent can never/should never be assumed.

For right now, that's all I have to say about that.

Take care of yourselves, respect each other & I'll TTyl8r- Kip