The girl next to me says it. The group behind me talking during lunch says it. The guy watching that girl have a panic attack even says it. They all say, "they just want the attention" or "they are just worried, anxiety is no big deal." For those of you who judge first instead of listen, I want to inform you that anxiety can be as much an illness as the flu; an illness that pulls you down, makes you tired, pains you, and even gives you an upset stomach.

I have sat and listened to people degrade others for the feelings they have. It isn't fair to judge someone based off of the feelings those talkers themselves have never felt before. I have witnessed panic attacks, become educated about the symptoms and seriousness of anxiety, and I have had multiple anxiety attacks myself. Those who have never felt the worry and fear that comes over you during an instance of anxiousness, or the unpredictable feelings of a panic attack, will never understand the detrimental effects it has on a person.

Though I do not have a diagnosed condition related to anxiety, I have a phobia that is consistently causing anxiety in my daily life. Even my family and friends don't understand its extent, and I can't expect them to, because they don't actually know how it feels.

I am extremely afraid of throwing up. It may read to be unimportant and just a "silly little fear," but to me, it has caused many problems that would be avoided otherwise. I can't tell you where this fear developed, though I wish there was a way to reverse it. To give you an idea of some ways my fear has gotten in the way of my life, I have come up with a few instances. This is hard for me to talk about, but I care so much that others with fears or anxiety similar to mine be understood in that it isn't my own fault. I cannot stop the feelings I feel, and I want others to see that as well.

When I was in middle school, I somehow got the idea that if I religiously followed a very specific nighttime routine, I would not throw up that day. I had to take a shower at night, and I was unable to brush my teeth before changing into my pajamas. I could never wear long pants and long sleeves to bed, I could only wear shorts and t-shirts, even if it was below zero outside. I could never wear socks to bed, I had to sleep on a certain side of my full sized bed. I even had to play one certain game on my iPod touch, which always had to be the same game, and I had to pass a level before actually going to sleep. I would sometimes have to stay awake for 2 hours before putting the game down. This routine continued until my junior year of high school when I fell asleep doing homework one night and decided to shower in the morning. It was only then that I realized my routine would not affect my immune system.

With my fear, I find myself feeling like a bad person. If any my best friends, boyfriends, or family members are throwing up, I will show no sympathy but instead find every possible way to get away from them. I try to show that I feel bad, but it comes off as me only caring about myself. I find myself continuously thinking about vomit for the next forty-eight hours, as that is when it becomes less likely that I won't get the same illness.

I have considered leaving school or have left school at least once a month since my freshmen year of high school due to anxiety and nausea related to my fear of throwing up. I would run out of my classes straight to my car and home to my bed. I would take four tums, and cry until I fell asleep hoping when I woke up the nausea would be gone.

My senior year of high school, one of my worst nightmares occurred. I was on a bus with my choir traveling to a festival about two hours away, and not long into the ride, someone threw up on the bus. I immediately started heavy breathing, then crying, then hyperventilating over the fear that the germs could reach me. I had to stay at the front of the bus, and I remained terrified the rest of the ride. Because I was not the one who was actually sick, I was disregarded by many, and I felt like a terrible person for not showing sympathy for my fellow choir member who actually did throw up.

Due to my fear, I have experienced sleep deprivation, feelings of insecurity, the feeling that I am a terrible, insensitive person, and the desire to keep distance from others. Compared to many others who are dealing with anxiety and phobias everyday, I am barely suffering.

So please, those of you who haven't experienced anxiety before, don't disregard it as fake. We all have things about us that makes us feel insecure or unhappy. I want to live in a world where we all respect each other and how we feel. Anxiety comes in many forms, so never disregard it as nothing.