Who's Your Number One?

Who's Your Number One?

"You feel like you don't feel like anyone's number one person. Is that true?"

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"You feel like you don't feel like anyone's number one person. Is that true?"

I value deep friendships. As a proud INFP, I'd much rather talk about profound and valuable subject matters rather than the trivial and endlessly repetitive small talk that I feel that I engage in with new people I meet. All my friends will second that my go-to get-to-know-you question is what's your favorite part about life rather than what dorm do you live in. The reason for this is simple: the vulnerability that people employ in deep friendships allows me to connect with people I thought I could never empathize with, in a way that a few surface-level exchanged sentences can never permit.

I value deep friendships. Yet the text I received that sunny Saturday afternoon on the way back has made me question my relationships ever since.

Surely, after all the value I place on friendship, I must be someone's number one. I quickly go through the list of people I have developed deep and meaningful connections with since arriving at Emory, before realizing that each of them has someone they are closer to that is not me. Meanwhile, the majority of my school friends have moved on to new adventures, leaving our friendships to gently fade into a high school haze. Does my Mom count? I wonder fleetingly, remembering all of our phone conversations – but she has three of us kids to look after.

This certainly isn't the first time my lack of finding my "number one" has gotten to my head. First semester, it seemed that I was constantly questioning why every single person I met had found someone that they had clicked with instantly, and why that person wasn't me. The seed of constant comparison to others was sown in my life, to the point that I interacted with my friends from a place of bitterness and sorrow. Watching sorrowfully as my closest friend become closer and closer to another friend. Observing wryly how two other close friends could already share a plethora of inside jokes and memories that I was somehow no part of. Browsing aimlessly through social media to see all my other friends and friends-of-friends who were having the most phenomenal time in college—without me. Acting as the wallflower in each of my relationships, simultaneously begrudging others for developing best friendships and being too scared to make the first move.

Yet as was often the case during my first semester, I needed to focus on all the blessings I already had rather than the one aspect I thought I was missing. Why would I need a single person to fill up the void of friendship in my life when I have a network of people that I can count on in all circumstances? I have spontaneous-adventure friends and mug-cake-and-Netflix friends. I have let's-explore-campus friends and let's-just-go-to-the-Duc friends. I have life-is-good friends and shoulder-to-cry-on friends. I have mentors, residential staff, hallmates and study buddies.

Not having to rely on a singular "number one" means that when there's a piece of good news – getting that job I really wanted or earning that A I worked so hard for – I find myself telling a plethora of people from Emory and beyond that I know will rejoice with me. Although every single person on their list may have someone that they are closer with, that doesn't mean that they don't care for me. Each friend values me as a person they can be vulnerable with, regardless of whether we're besties or not.

So, maybe I'm still in search of that number one. But maybe having someone I can rely on no matter what isn't necessary, as I already have found so many people who will make it their priority to be there for me in both joy and sorrow. Although I don't have that one shoulder to cry on just yet, I am certain that, when challenges come my way, I have a whole army standing behind me.

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Dreading This Day All About Love

Valentines day blues

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I have never enjoyed Valentine's Day.

Even if when I was in a relationship it was just an awkward day of "hey I love you, give me gifts and lets make out." But this year, I am just not feeling this thing at all. Since the relationship ended last June I have just been dreading the time when February came, because you know that on the 14th you are going to see all these love post and all us singles are like "welp this is just not my day.", and honestly you feel defeated. I personally asked other singles friends (like the three I have) if they wanted to come and watch Netflix with me and dread the day, but sadly they either had school or work. So here is my plan of getting though this day of love:

NETFLIX

Yes Netflix how else am I supposed to get through this day? Usually I have Greys Anatomy playing all the time but that has love in it, and I am not in the mood for that. My plan is to watch all the crime shows I can because watching TV crime series or documentary about serial killers just seems perfect for the 14th.

SLEEP

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Yes sleeping. I don't have anywhere I need to be why not catch up on some zzz's

CHOCOLATE

Yes I am going to eat my feelings with chocolate because why not? if I could I would get a giant slice of cake and live off that on the 14th but sadly I am stuck with the normal Heresy's chocolate and Reeses which will do their job.

CATS

me :)

This is my wonderful cat Kimber and she will be my partner in crime on the 14th. She will sleep, snuggle, cuddle, all day with me because I need that moral support of my fluffy cat.

BOOKS

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If I am able to fit reading a book into my schedule of everything listed above then reading will go into that open spot. I always loved reading but with school it is hard to find the time to read for enjoyment. so this day will be the perfect day.


This is my plan for the 14th of February and hopefully this will help me get though this dreadful day. And if you are also single try this out :)

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