I would like to preface this post with a little bit about me. No, I am not usually pessimistic or sadistic despite what many of you might think after reading this article. However, I have been through a bit in my life which has opened my eyes to the cruel and harsh world that we live in. People are people and we all make mistakes. Senior year taught me a lot about people, who we are and what we are. Obviously, this is my opinion, everyone is entitled to their own.
Through my long yet short 17 years of life, I have seen a lot.
Saw my first dead man at 8. Shot dead over a toy for his kid. He could’ve let it go and bought another. But he let his life be snatched from this world for that little elephant. I did not know the man. Just happened to see the action in that parking lot.
That is just the beginning but I will just fast forward to the present. And the main focus of this post. Friends, and not friends. People change.
Yes, I am pissed; it hurts and it kills. I’m in love with this one girl. She followed me like a puppy and made me a king in her world since my sophomore year. Her mother was my physical therapist because I had crazy shoulder injuries due to football.
She walked into her mother’s office and we started talking because she is just a sweet soul and I was the new kid at school. She was crazy for me and I did not realize my feelings for her until junior year. Up until that point, I was a complete F-Boy.
She changed me.
I was a one-woman man after I felt what I did for her. She changed me. I wasn’t into relationships. I had to take a step back because this was the first time I felt something real for someone. I was in love with my best friend of three years.
It was weird because I couldn’t imagine her loving or being with anybody else and I could not imagine myself wanting or loving any other woman. She was my best friend. She spent all her days with me and my family. Her mother did not care because she absolutely loved my family.
Her mom is a good person. But the point is she became family. She literally stayed over at night and became my sister’s friend too. She spent Christmas and Thanksgiving at our house. My mom made an alternative meal for her every night because she’s a vegetarian. She was my best friend. We were comfortable with each other and it came so easy.
Now fast forward a year. It is freshman year of college. New things right? New life, better everything nobody knows me. Well, the same thing happened. I fell in love again. Her parents said we weren't meant for each other. She loves me, but it just hurts that they forced us apart.
The worst part is... she's my neighbor. I see her on the daily. Same major, same classes. We are still friends, but I miss her. They want her to marry a guy from home; he is her old beau. Going to the military. Tall, dark and handsome. But in my face, they'd smile.
People change.
I will admit I changed first. Going back to when I was 8, my childhood was taken from me. Growing up in the ghetto, it’s hard to be a kid. Especially when you had to take care of your younger siblings. I didn’t get a childhood. Not many of us did.
I wanted that back because I realized the short time left I had of being an adolescent. So I changed who I was. Yes, it was stupid, but it was subconscious. I wanted to be a kid in every way possible. I changed. Only thing is I thought she might support me in that. Or at least understand. Not many people do.
I have a strange and squiggly thought process. It is quite erratic in fact. So I did change. She left me, saying I wasn’t the man she fell in love with. It wasn’t how it used to be. She turned cold and did not look for me or try to help out the way she used to. I cannot blame her, but before we ended up making it “official” she made me promise no matter what happened, we would stay best friends.
It was a pact; we pinkie promised and everything. I tried to keep the promise and be the guy she fell in love with, but the guy she fell for didn’t care about her or us. But this guy, this guy loved her with everything he had. Nobody would or could love her the same way I do. That is not my opinion it’s a fact.
She called me telling me she can’t be my friend. She laughed at me with a bunch of other people through the phone. I know she was high, but it still hurt. All the photos through my phone, the jar full of things she loved about me, the pictures on my damn wall. Best friends and then poof. It’s gone. That’s the reality.
I have a new friend, we can call her “C”. She’s been here through this breakup, with the girl I wanted to marry. That is a reality. People come and go. “C” has come and will go. You are the only one there for you.
Through the winds of change, we find our direction and mine is to be walked alone.
That is how the world has made it. The man who killed that poor sap in the parking lot of Toys R Us forced his child to grow up alone. My ex-girl killing herself (yes this is a bomb being dropped on you, but I do not talk about it. No it is not the girl I talked about in this article.) My best friend left, and everyone leaves.
It is sad to lose such a good friend, but we all have to go through it. Loss leads to internal strength. And internal strength leads you to walk the road less traveled, because it has to be traveled alone. And that is who we are as people.
United we stand?
No, we are all in it for ourselves and it hurts because the ones that give everything to everyone else, we are the ones that end up feeling lonely. But it is a burden we are forced to live with because of the circumstances. This is life. This is who we are.