Which is easier: tell someone all of your problems or hold them in and paint a smile on your face?

For some, choice one is the only choice and for others, the second is the only choice. For myself, it is so much easier to just paint on a smile, even if it means the paint underneath is completely chipped away. Just paint on more.

I was such a bright-eyed child. I loved each part of life but now I am just trying to keep my head above water. Where did the passion go? The happiness? I am so tired of the fake smiles and laughs, I want true and honest happiness. So what do you do when your world is not only crashed down around you, but is burnt and the ashes are in the wind.

I try and find happiness in lyrics of songs. The song I have been listening to is called "She Use to be Mine" by Sara Bareilles. A song from the new hit musical Waitress, based off the film. This song is about a girl who isn't perfect, but she knows that that is okay. She tried her hardest to be the best woman she can be even if she gets hurt. A line from the song goes, "It's not easy to know, I'm not anything like I used to be, Although it's true." Every time I hear this line I get tears in my eyes. She is recognizing that she isn't who she use to be and that it hurts. THe chourse of this song goes as follows:

She's imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

This women is fighting every day with herself. She knows who she was and now knows she is the shell of herself. It isn't that she doesn't want to change, its that she had no clue how to because she is alone.

I relate with this song so well. I get told all of the time that people change for the better, but I don't know if I believe that. I have changed. I am not the same.

Some say it is normal for people LIKE ME to change. Like me? Am I abnormal? No, it's just that I have dealt the worst hand of cards life could give me. But here is the funny part, although I have changed, I still know what I am meant to do. I am here for those who can't hold themselves. I am a visionary.

No, I am not perfect but I am not going to lay down and take the pain. "She use to be Mine," but now I must rediscover who I am.