Who Says You Can't Go Home?
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Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Sometimes it's okay to turn back to what you've been running away from for so long.

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Who Says You Can't Go Home?
Jeff Kanezo

I constantly hear people saying that you meet your friends for life in college. While this is very accurate and I have met some wonderful people in my time so far at college, I will never be able to let go of all the people I miss from my time in my hometown. I struggled my whole life with the fact that my life was nothing but boring because of the location of where I was, but that statement was too far from the truth. The people I constantly miss from growing up where I did happen to grow up are the ones that make coming home a lot less harder than it has to be. You’re my people and I just happened to be very fortunate to meet you so early on in my life when I really needed you most.

When I was growing up I had a relatively happy childhood. Then that passed on to some awkward junior high years and then all a sudden I was in high school. This is when I came to terms with my surroundings and I realized I hated where I lived. I didn’t hate my house at all, it was just the area around it that I was forced to grow up in that I hated so much. There was never anything to do and the whole place just felt like it was rotting away more and more every day that I spent in it. I remember sometimes imagining myself being born and growing up in some other exciting place, like near the Southern California beaches where I could swim everyday and possibly take up surfing or the Arizona deserts where I could constantly explore new landscapes and adventure all over. But then I’d snap back to reality from these unrealistic daydreams and realized I’d just have to settle for where I was right now. Sometimes it made me wonder if the people that did grow up in these lives that I thought were so extraordinary actually felt the same way I did about living in a mediocre town in northeastern Pennsylvania. No matter where you live, is the place that you grow up in going to get boring after living there for your whole life? That’s something I’ll never know for sure but I used it as an excuse to say that I was destined to grow up in a boring town just so I could save all of the excitement of other places for my future life.


I had a game plan for myself for the rest of my high school career. I was going to work my ass off and get good grades so I could leave this rotting hole of despair behind me forever. I had these big plans of going to college out of state in California or Florida (somewhere warm preferably) and never look back. So what happened? I did bust my ass off in high school and tried to do my very best in everything I could to pass the time until I got to move away. My dreams of moving far far away to a college out of state were basically shot down due to the costliness of it all so I had to narrow it down to somewhere in state. After a long search for colleges I liked I was almost decided on one, but then I finally realized it reminded me too much of where I already lived. I want so desperately to escape the clutches of my past life so I decided to continue the search until I finally came across West Chester University. I was so enthralled with how different it was from where I lived and for some reason that made me feel at home so after I got accepted, I decided that was where I wanted to be.

The idea of an escape was so promising to me, that I forgot how hard it was going to be to actually start over. This past summer, I did all I could to enjoy what time I had left to spend in my hometown with my friends but I always found myself not being able to fully live in the moment because I was so excited for what the future had in store. I’d like to take a moment to say to all of those people that I wish I hadn’t been so distant when I could’ve been ceasing every single waking moment with you all in our time we had left. I took for granted being able to see your faces everyday with such ease, and I wish I could’ve been a functioning human who wanted to have fun in every possible moment but there was always this part of me that would sometimes take over my actions and make me want to stay inside all day. Thank you for being patient with me when I wasn’t myself and for encouraging me to go on adventures with you even when I thought there was nothing left in our hometown to enjoy.

When I finally got to college that first day and my parents said their goodbyes and left to go back home, it finally occurred to me how completely lonely I actually was. Those first couple of weeks were complete hell for me. No one ever tells you how hard it actually is to transition into college. They make it seem amazing and like it’s so easy to fit in and find friends, but it’s honestly one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I tried joining multiple clubs to get involved like I did in high school, but when I went to the meetings it just wasn’t the same. In college it’s sad to say but no one will necessarily make an effort to get to know you because they have no previous ties to you, they don’t owe you their time. So even though I tried to go to club meetings and meet new people it always felt like everyone already had their pre-organized friend groups and there was no room for me. I always want to encourage people and say that things are destined to get better but I don’t know how truthful that actually is due to the chance circumstances that I finally made friends through. Is everyone destined to make friends in college or are there still some people who struggle everyday with the same loneliness I felt for the first few weeks? I don’t know the answer, but what I do remember is that during my time of despair all I wanted to do was turn back to the place I resented for so long- Home.

Saturday night sleepovers where we would stay up all night and talk about life, which rolled into Sunday mornings where I’d beg to skip church so we could eat chocolate chip pancakes and spend a little more time together. Late night runs to Dunkin Donuts and Sheetz even when we weren’t hungry just so we could hang out all night and never go home when we were bored out of our minds. Going on adventures in the wooded area behind my development to discover new terrains with tadpoles and other species that we didn’t even know existed in our little town. Late night campfires where we’d breathe in smoke from the poorly lit fire that we’d try to make by ourselves and then accidentally burn the marshmallows we’d make for s’mores. Freezing our asses off at Friday night football games in our marching band uniforms and talking about how we couldn’t wait for the band trip, where it would be warm and we’d be in Disney. Seeing each other in school everyday and having mental breakdowns when we couldn’t figure out the calc homework. Those late night play practices where we would laugh and bullshit about how stressful our lives were behind stage and then totally forget to go out for our scene. Going on nature walks and jumping in the water falls all the way to watching the sun set at the hang gliding spot at the top of Pitman.

Things will never be the same from when we were younger because we have far less time to spend together, but every time I see you guys again, it reminds me of all the time we’ve had so far. Even when I was mad or annoyed with you, feeling sad or lost, bored or scared, you made every moment we spent in our dull little town a little more adventurous, a little brighter. Sometimes looking back, I do really hate all of the bad things I had to go through growing up and the constant feeling I had that I would never be able to outgrow the town that I grew up in. I know the place I’m living in now is a lot more exciting than where I grew up and that college will get better as time goes on, but I’ve finally come to terms that it’s okay to miss your home even if it’s something you’ve tried to escape your whole life. It’s like all of the things I hated about home that were completely black and white are now illuminated in the most magnificent colors because when I revisit them, the people I love from my past are the ones who made them that way. Sometimes home is a person or people, not just a place.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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