To the white parents with a biracial child,
We know you are doing your best. We know that you thought the hard part would be our childhood and that our differences only seem to heighten with age. We know you feel guilty. We know you hurt whenever we hurt. And we love you for all those reasons. But what we also know is that there are some things you will never understand. There are some things that you will simply never experience. And you need to know that these differences do exist because you are white, and we are brown.
More than ever, it is important that you listen to our stories. Listen with an open mind and heart because we cannot take feeling rejected one more place.
For many of us, we did not realize that we weren't white until somebody else (usually another child) told us so. And that initial discovery probably wasn't a pleasant one.
You never told us we were different because you didn't want us to feel excluded in any way. You loved us unconditionally and you wanted that to be enough. You thought that it was enough. But the problem with not shedding light on our differences is that you erase an essential part of our identity by doing so.
In the walls of our house and the shadow of your stride your love is always enough. But you cannot send us into the darkness of the world without the capabilities to protect ourselves. Our sharpest weapon is knowing who we are.
We need to know what we are up against. See, there is black culture and there is white culture. But there is no biracial culture. There is no place for those that are racially ambiguous. While having lighter skin or looser curls may help us in some aspects of life, it will also make our lives a living hell.
This is especially important in today's age. We are often bombarded with what are you and where are you from. But many are not even that kind. People like to assume- and so they do. In a split second they decide our race, whatever it may be, and they will call us every racist slur in the book. We receive fire from every direction.
But even worse than what anybody will ever say to us is the divide we internalize. Each day we must choose to identify with only half of our identity. We must place ourselves in a culture that doesn't always want us. There feeling of having to place to call ours lingers in the back of our minds.
One of my professors said something that now runs through my mind nearly every day.
Everybody born in America is inherently sexist and racist.
And you know, it's a harsh statement, but that doesn't make it inaccurate. You need to realize that statement doesn't make you a bad person by any means. It means that how society is set up to praise and benefit the wealthy white man. Our society tells us that is what we should all aspire to be. Such a ridiculous aspiration makes our lives, as biracial children, even more difficult.
How often do you question if your college or job offer stems directly from a quota? How often do you feel nervous to go even 5 mph over the speed limit? Do you ever fear saying that you don't have money to go out to dinner will feed into the black stereotype?
I do. Every single day.
There is no reason for these differences to divide us. We do not resent you for these differences. And never would we wish this life we live upon you. What we do need is for you to not be afraid of having these conversations. We need you to openly acknowledge these stark differences of identity and culture. If you love us, you will dive into uncomfortable conversations with the expectations of tension. Sometimes just recognizing ignorance is the first step to a better relationship.
I cannot emphasize how much we love you. We respect you because raising a biracial child as a white parent isn't easy. You get ugly looks and stares. We hear the whispers too.
Thank you for not giving up on us. We will never give up on you.