I’ll never forget the last time I took my sew in out. After about six months of constantly getting sew ins and perms, to make it last longer, my hair was still not as long as I wanted it to be.

The process of perming, braiding and sewing in bundles, that cost way too much, was becoming overwhelming. Always having split ends and not doing anything about it seemed like a never ending process.

So when I took my sew in out and saw my hair was still thin, I was done. May 2017 was when I decided to finally go natural. That same month I decided to stop using heat on my hair. Well no heat meant I reverted to putting my hair in buns.

Bun it up, bun it up. Watch it all fall out. If only I had known that before. Unfortunately, my schedule became hectic that summer with camp and I had no time to take care of my hair—the #1 thing that’s crucial for natural girls to do. To make matters worse, I had decided to not comb my hair because I had started feeling curls forming in my head.

By the time I went back to school in August, my hair was really thick and unmanageable. All summer I had been putting gel in my hair because I didn’t want to deal with it. Now my hair was desperately trying to tell me to big chop. But I knew I wasn’t ready.

So I talked to my natural hair mentor, Jamese Carrell. Jamese is a very down-the-earth lady from Chicago. After speaking with her, she had convinced me that the only way I was going to see my hair grow was to do the big chop.

But because I still wasn’t ready, I got box braids instead. After two months, I told Jamese I was finally ready and I let her choose the stylist. November 10th was the date that was set for me and I couldn’t wait. When the day finally came, I was so excited but I kept it contained.

Snip, went the scissors and before I knew it the stylist had cut off a big piece of my hair and I gasped.

“Oh you weren’t ready?” She asked.

Of course I wasn’t. However, there was no turning back at that point. While staring at my reflection, I tried to imagine what my hair would look like as the stylist continued to cut away.

When she was finally done, I was a bit confused. I wondered why my hair wasn’t curly. I mean, up until that point I had watched a million YouTube natural hair videos and all the girls were able to turn their fro into gorgeous curls. But all I had was my little fro.

Initially, I became obsessed with trying to curl my hair. Doing perm rods was an absolute fail. Trying to use gel and water for a wash and go was also a fail. My hair just wouldn’t budge.

It wasn’t until I learned to do my first twist out at the end of December, that I found my go to style. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love my hair. On social media people glorify certain aspects of something rather than the bigger picture. And because of that, I relied on seeing my hair with gorgeous curls like the girls on YouTube.

Today my fro is flourishing and I actually comb it now. Seeing and hearing people’s comments and loving my hair for its natural kinks keeps me going. And I know one day I’ll finally have bra strap length hair.