Choose Yourself Over Being Strung Along

It's Time To Walk Away From The Person Who Doesn't Want To Be With You, Trust Me

Someone can tell you that they love you every single day, but if they're not proving it, you have every right to move on.


Love isn't always easy. In fact, I have it on pretty good authority that it might be the hardest thing out there, aside from like, flying.

We all want what we see on TV, in movies and read in novels. We want someone who will be there for us, who will care for us and who we can share our most intimate feelings and thoughts with free from judgment or embarrassment.

But what do you do when you find that person—or who you believe to be that person—and you can't be together?

There are tons of reasons why relationships get stopped from blooming. Sometimes you can't be together because you live too far and long distance isn't for everyone (I know it isn't for me.)

Sometimes you can't be together because of circumstances in your lives that make it hard to devote time to a relationship, like focusing on school or a time-consuming job. Sometimes, you just can't be together because life isn't always fair and timing doesn't always land on your side.

The thing about love, the real love we all want and chase despite our façades about not caring, is that it will happen when you least expect it, and it will make all of these possibilities the most unbearable you've ever experienced.

Falling in love with someone is easy. It happens organically and most of the time, you have very little control over who it happens with or when. One day you wake up and you think someone's kind of cool and then the next, you want nothing more than to be with them.

While this works to your advantage during times when it all works out and you get to be with the person you love, it makes it harder during the times when it's just not meant to be.

And in my experience, these times are the ones that happen the most.

So what do you do when they happen?

I guess there's no right way to handle it since every situation is different and has its own pitfalls, but one thing I can say as a sweeping declaration to every instance: Don't blame yourself.

Like I said before, love isn't easy. Even when things fall into place majestically, it's still going to require a lot of effort to make it work, but when it doesn't even get a chance to start, it's not your fault.

One thing I know for a fact is that if someone truly loves you, they will do whatever it takes to make it work. If they aren't doing everything in their power to be with you, it might be that they don't feel the exact same way about you as you do them.

That might sound harsh, and if at this point you're reading this and thinking, "This girl has absolutely no idea what she's talking about and I have had enough" then I understand, but I would hope you at least take the chance to hear me out before you write me off altogether.

I was in love with someone who wasn't in love with me once. They said all the right things, they made me feel all the right ways and in my mind, I was certain that they were going to be the one I ended up with at some point.

But I didn't, and trust me, it sucked.

The truth is, even though they talked the talk, they weren't able to walk the walk, and that was the ultimate downfall of any chance we would have had together.

He was a great guy.

He made me feel comfortable with myself and comfortable with him. We talked for hours on end about nothing and somehow everything at the same time, and it never got boring. We could hang out for the longest time and it would feel like mere minutes because there was never a lull between us.

I opened up to him in ways that I hadn't before, ways that I don't regret even now despite the fact that everyone might think I should. I trusted him and I loved him dearly, but at the end of the day, he didn't feel the same way back.

He said he did, multiple times. We always talked about how we felt and it always seemed like we were on the same page. And still, when it came to the big "will they or won't they" question that all of my friends had during this time, it was always a big, resounding "no."

At first, I didn't let it bother me. I understood the reasons why we weren't together and I reluctantly agreed. As time went by, I started to feel as if these reasons were mere excuses, and there was something more underneath the surface.

After a while of remaining in the same situation and nothing ever progressing, I had to make a decision with myself. Was I going to stay in this limbo state with a guy who seemed to fit every definition of what I wanted in a boyfriend but who wasn't even my boyfriend, or was I was going to finally let go of all hope that one day he would be and things might change?

Spoiler alert: I chose the latter.

It took some time to get to that choice. I went back and forth in my mind from the words he would say to me to the way he would never prove them to me. What if I chose wrong?

In the end, I decided to walk away and move on with my life. I knew, deep down, that I deserved more than what I was getting from him, and even though I had spent so long letting myself believe that it was going to change someday, it was time that I faced the reality that it really wasn't.

That's the thing about situations like these: You get so caught up in the feelings and the moments spent with the other person that you don't let yourself think clearly. You have on rose-colored glasses and you have to take the time out to remove them and see things for what they really are, even if it's not what you want them to be.

I will always thank him for showing me love, even if it wasn't the real and true love that I thought it was going to be. I will always thank him for what he was to me when I needed someone to talk to and someone to listen. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to hate the person after it's over and you've moved on—it's OK to be on good terms.

But the reason for my telling of this story isn't to show my appreciation for him, it's to show that even though you may love someone—and I mean really love them—it doesn't mean they're on the same page as you.

At the end of the day, you have to be willing to choose yourself over them. You have to be willing to choose happiness even if it means happiness without them. You have to be able to see that you deserve better, and if they can't give it to you then, as Ariana Grande so sweetly put it, it's "thank u, next."

It's not easy and it's not fun, but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.

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13 Movies Every Couple Needs To Watch Before They Get Married

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories.


These 13 movies are the foundation of any long-lasting relationship, and I'm not joking. Each movie will show you something new about your partner, and make you ask each other the hard questions. How many kids do you want and how are you going to raise them? What would happen if you got into a horrible accident? Some are less serious though, like what if you could time travel?

I promise that not every one of these movies is a Nicholas Sparks classic, and I also promise that not every movie has Rachel McAdams in it!

1. "The Time Traveler's Wife"

This movie is both heartbreaking and amazing.

2. "About Time"

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories. It's on Netflix right now, so grab some snacks and turn it on!

3. "Like Crazy"

This infamous Tumblr gif came from "Like Crazy." It's about a couple who goes long distance and build their life together. I used to cry every time I watched it, and I'm no crier! It also has the (now famous) Felicity Jones in it.

4. "The Notebook"

Every girl wants this kind of love.

5. "The Last Song"

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are literally married now so if that isn't good luck, I don't know what is.

6. "Safe Haven"

You guessed it! This is another Nicholas Sparks classic. This movie has a dark twist as well, which men will love.

7. "Inside Out"

You may be thinking that this one is a bit weird. Well, this movie will help both you and your partner understand each other's emotions better.

8. "The Choice"

This movie is great because the female lead is feisty and extremely intelligent, which usually doesn't happen in love stories. How do you keep the love alive with a woman who is hard to get, and even harder to keep entertained?

9. "The Longest Ride"

Originally I could not stand the main female lead (Britt Robertson) but now she is in one of my favorite shows (For The People), so I have no choice. This movie had me on the end of my seat, and as a rom-com it is a must.

10. "The Age Of Adaline"

I began loving the name 'Adaline' thanks to this movie. This unlikely love story and self love journey really gets me.

11. "The Vow"

Imagine falling in love with someone and building a life, but an accident forces you to start all over?

12. "Titanic"

If they don't have any sort of reaction to this movie, they are probably not the one for you.

13. "Yours, Mine, & Ours"

Yours, Mine, & Ours is a true classic. Are you Helen or Frank Beardsley? You should figure that out before you tie the knot!

You're welcome!

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Being A Military Wife Is Not The Same As Serving In Active Duty

It's about balance, and it's hard to find a happy medium between serving and supporting your spouse.


I enlisted into the United States Air Force as a fresh-faced 18-year-old. I had just graduated high school and never experienced life on my own, away from what I knew and my loved ones and friends. The military was my first legitimate job. Thankfully, I knew independence since I had parents that ensured I knew how to handle myself. That does not mean I joined knowing everything there was to know. Far from it, actually, but that's OK.

My first and only duty station was Malmstrom Air Force Base. Before you think that Malmstrom is some exotic and foreign land, it's definitely not. My first base was in Montana. A very cold and unpredictable climate where you could experience beautiful summer sunshine one day and the next, find yourself running back up to your room to escape from the unexpected blizzard.

I was stationed in Montana as a security forces member (military police) for six very long years. During this time, I met some wonderful people as well as some people I know I would not mind never seeing again. I did a lot of my growing up at this location.

There were hard lessons that needed to be learned and experiences that I had to have in order to know what and what not to do in the future. Security forces is not the easiest or best job in the military. There are more challenges as a security forces member than most careers in the Air Force. There is the very likely chance of deployment into hostile locations where the member will face life and death challenges and have to make quick and ugly decisions and the schedule and duties are not ideal.

However, the good often outweighs the bad. The rewards for surpassing these challenges that seemed insurmountable at the time are some of the best in the world. I can say that the life lessons during my time in the service, no matter how uncomfortable it was at the time, is an experience of a lifetime. These challenges are unknown to the military spouse.


Not long after separating from the military, I got married. We met while I was still in the military. My husband is still active duty in the Air Force, turning me into a military wife and dependent. It was a different role to take, knowing how many people in the military viewed military spouses. I found myself in a different bracket or tier than a lot of people. I was a military wife that was prior military. I understand the challenges my husband still undergoes in his enlistment because I knew the military life at one point. I did not have to be introduced into the military and the way it works blindly.

Throughout my enlistment, there were stories and jokes regarding military spouses, with emphasis on the military wife. Even now that I am no longer in the service, I still see memes on social media where military wives serve as a running joke. The jokes involving weight, attractiveness, infidelity or wives wearing the rank of their military spouse while attempting to utilize what power that rank may hold. Due to the stories I heard while I was in, I had a pre-conceived idea of what to expect as a military spouse. Some of the stories and jokes came from a center of truth. However, the stigma for a military wife would follow any and all military wives no matter the validity or lack thereof.

Photo of Yahaira Seawright at her Airman Leadership school graduation Yahaira Seawright

When I became a military wife, I wanted to make sure I did not fall under that stereotype. Becoming the dependent gave me something else to consider. It gave me the unheard side of those military spouses. There are so many challenges that we also face while being married to the military.

For example, we pick up and go at a moment's notice and often leave our careers behind if our spouses get moved. This makes it really hard to make friends and connections with other people. Plus, there's the reality that our spouses could lose their lives serving for our country.

A lot of the time, we become a single parent when our spouses are deployed. If we do go with, finding employment is really competitive and hard to do at all. It's hard on both of us because neither party will ever truly understand why things are done a certain way. Some things just aren't fair and that's a hard reality to deal with.

So, yes, the service of the military member is the military member's service, not ours. That fact does not mean we do not have our own sacrifices we made when we decided to marry into the military family.

The experience of the military member and the military spouse are two different sides, but they're both equally important.


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