There is a poem written by Rupi Kaur that goes, “The way they leave, tells you everything.” The power of those few words hit me like a tsunami when I read them. The wave was a drowning force and I allowed myself to drink in the words knowing the weight of their truth. I am not going to write an article about how I am broken because of some break up. I am not broken — at least not any more. I didn’t stay broken over someone who left for very long. Perhaps it was because I finally realized my self-worth. When someone leaves you, they have a reason. Whether they have fallen in love with someone else, or are moving away and don’t want a long-distant relationship, they have a reason. I understand we all have our reasons for leaving a relationship. We cannot control what another person is feeling and they can’t control that they feel that way either. But what they can control, is the way they end things.
“I love you, you are so cute.” You text me as I come out of my class on my way home. I smile because I know I get to see you in a few minutes and we will have pizza for dinner like I suggested earlier. As I get into the car my phone rings. It’s you! You had just texted me, so I wondered what was so important that you had to call knowing I’ll be home in five minutes. I answer and I hear your breath shake. My heart drops, my thoughts swirl into all the possible dreadful things that may come next. Did the cat die? Did someone die? Was there an accident? Are you okay?
“This isn’t working,” you say calmly. Confused, I laugh, “That’s not funny. If you were breaking up with me you’d do it in person. You would never do that to me.” I am met with silence and the phone hangs up. I race home repeatedly telling myself that it’s just a joke and if it isn’t then we can talk about it. I get home and your car is gone, but I still run up and go inside.
The house is empty because all of you is gone. You left the pictures of us hanging on the walls, but your cluttered desk full of books and crumpled papers are all gone. The game I got you for our anniversary is gone. An empty square shape was all that was left on the table in the corner where your TV was.
I was with my boyfriend for three years. I was even given a promise ring. And yet, he walked out on me like none of those years or promises meant anything. People break their promises, I get it. But no one deserves being walked out on.
There is nothing harder than being left with no closure. It’s even harder when you realize that the person who was supposed to love you, left you with no closure on purpose. It is a daunting realization to have when the person you loved with all your soul leaves in a harsh and selfish manner. People are selfish by nature, it’s always tempting to cut and run. Maybe in some cases that works, especially in the face of abuse, but in my case, it was completely cold and unnecessary.
However, there is a silver-lining. Like many harsh lessons in life, I needed this one. I have learned many valuable things in the wake of this tidal wave of disappointment and grief. There is so much that I learned about myself and what relationships are and aren’t supposed to be about.
I learned that I should never let someone who has left me, define who I am. We begin to doubt ourselves because we are left without closure. We have a million questions, and the immediate thought to point blame at ourselves. How someone leaves is a reflection of them, not you. Allow this experience to be a lesson. Allow it to make you realize who that person really was. Don’t romanticize their leaving and think to yourself, “They will come back because they loved me.” Because the truth is that person didn’t respect you enough to leave in a way which showed they cared in the first place. Who wants to be with someone like that? Realize that unconditional love is unhealthy. Love yourself just as much, if not more. The more you love yourself the more you realize that you deserve better and you don’t need anyone. You want someone to walk along beside you in life, not lead you or define you. And most importantly, find your strength from within and not from someone else or your relationship. I drew so much strength solely from being with that person and when they left I didn’t know how to be strong because I relied on them to give me that strength. I can see now, that I have more strength than I ever thought I was capable of. So, what happens when they leave like it all meant nothing? You see that person for who they really are: a coward. Not only will you discover just how strong you are, but what you really deserve in a partner and a relationship. Own your so-called tragedy and turn it into a moment that you will look back on later in life and thank your stars that it happened because you are a better, stronger, and happier person because of it.