When The Good Friend Goes Bad

When The Good Friend Goes Bad

I'll be there for you, if you're there for me too.

I used to pride myself on being the friend whom everyone could talk to and felt comfortable being around but lately, I’ve noticed I haven’t been feeling that way.

This is not just a one instance thing that has changed my whole perception on myself it’s that I just don’t feel the same. So I decided what better to do than write about it, and maybe I could organize my thoughts.

We all know the good friend, the one who is always lifting others up and puts people before herself. We also all know the too good friend, she’s the best friend. She’s the friend who pulls you together after heartbreaks, she mourns the loss of your favorite childhood dog, jams out to boy band hits and reminds you there’s no way you could fail out of college. She’s the friend that even when you’re grounded your parents will let you still hang out with.

This friend pours her heart and soul into her friendships sometimes finding the recipient is simply that. A recipient. Who unfortunately is mainly a taker and not a giver. So what happens to the good friend who is always there. Well, she vanishes. She rips the doormat off of her back, takes the weight off her shoulders and she just might go bad.

Not this kind of bad.

No, not a bad ass. A bad friend. The kind of bad that turns a very selfless person into a selfish person. If you are constantly giving and giving and giving you run out. Then you revert to finding people who will appreciate you and lift you up.

You look for friends who want to hear about your heartbreaks that have never been listened to. Your search for friends who holla back with a YAS QUEEN. And next thing you know you have created a tornado of selfishness because you always find ways to bring the conversation back to you. You get called out for not being interested until it is about you and you selectively listen until you’ve completely ignored your friends’ problems.

This transformation is like an avalanche. It is quiet but dangerous to anything in its path specifically any type of friendship. How do you stop it? I think it is a Mean Girls effect where you don’t see what you’ve done until something or someone brings it to your attention. I don’t have a specific pinpoint moment I think it hit me when I felt like people were often more unhappy than happy with my actions.

However, I have good friends. Friends who know how to balance their self-love and love for others. Friends that can help me find equilibrium again so that I’m not extremely giving or extremely taking. I am extremely blessed to have them in my life because they haven’t given up on me yet.

So, to my overly good friends and my bad friends, it’s time to stop. For the good friends, don’t be a doormat or dumpster for problems.

Speak up for yourself and express what you’re feeling. If you’re not getting what you want out of your friendship then cherish it enough to save it now instead of waiting a few years when it is TOO LATE. To the bad friend, you need to care about people other than yourself plain and simple. If you can’t be a good friend then you can’t expect the good ones to stay forever and you also can’t be mad at them for leaving a friendship that is reciprocal, that’s your problem.

We need to evaluate our friendships every now and then to see what is going on so we don’t become or stay bad friends. Ultimately, the bad friend ends up alone but there is no time like the present to change. That’s what I’m going to do and hope you will too.

Cover Image Credit: bex.and.the.cityy

Popular Right Now

21 Things You Say To Your Roommate If You Two Are Practically A Married Couple

Until I made this list, I didn't realize how absurdly close my roommate and I were. #sorrynotsorry

1. "Can you turn the light off?"

2. "We probably shouldn't go out for dinner again...right?"

*complains about not having money* *spends $8 on Chipotle three times a week*

3. "I always pick where we go"

This is a fight you have with your roommate almost every day when you're roommate is as indecisive as mine.

4. "Do you have my keys?"

5. "Can you pick me up?"

6. "Is it hot in here?"

7. "Does this outfit look stupid?"

The answer is usually yes. No offense.

8. "Can you throw this out for me?"

9. "Can we get ice cream?"

10. "I need coffee"

This text is usually sent when you know your roomie is out running errands... errands you know are near a Starbucks.

11. "Can you tell me what happened?"

12. "Are you asleep?"

There have been times where I couldn't tell if you were asleep or dead... and I had to say this out loud to check if you were alive.

13. "Check your dm's."

*cracks up in the middle of nowhere* *catches a weird stare from your roomie across the room*

14. "Can you plug this in for me?"

15. "Can you pick a movie?"

Another instance where "I always pick" happens.

16. "Look at this girl's Instagram."

*chucks phone across the room at roommate*

17. "Can you call me?"

18. "Can we meet up?"

Separation anxiety is a real thing, people.

19. "Can you help me find my phone?"

*Tries to leave the house to do something* *loses phone* every. time.

20. "What should we do tonight?"

*tries to get ready to do something fun* *ends up staying in for another girls night*

21. "Why isn't everyone as great as us?"

Cover Image Credit: Juliarose Genuardi

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

A Letter To The People I Met Freshman Year

To my friends who are now family, thank you.

To my new family,

I would like to start by saying thank you for making this first year of college better than I could have ever imagined.

Since we just said our goodbyes a little over a week ago, it is time to reflect on these past nine months. Even though I cried for days saying goodbye to you all one by one, these months were filled with so much love and happiness, and for this, I am so grateful.

It is bittersweet because although high school was memorable, college is where we have started to gain the most knowledge, the best friends and the greatest memories of our lives. I believe that college is where it all happens and so far, I have proven myself right. These years will shape the rest of our lives, and that excites me so much.

I was incredibly grateful this year to have met people with such big smiles and even bigger hearts.

I have so much confidence that these relationships we have formed will last a lifetime. It is crazy when you think that we are still so young yet we have practically lived together for these past months, seeing each other every day and experiencing each other from all perspectives; It must be a sign that we are not yet sick of each other. You have made me laugh, cry, smile so hard it hurts, and everything in between.

To my future roommates, I cannot wait to experience the opportunity to live with my best friends.

To my crazy friends, you are truly insane, but I love you and will never stop caring for you.

To the person I least expected to meet, my love; I will never forget you or this incredible freshman year with you.

There is nothing better than finding people that understand your soul and love you for who you are. The people I have met this past year are the most genuine and amazing people I have ever encountered; I never saw this coming. But this eventful year filled with so many experiences was the best surprise I could have asked for.

This is the first step of our adulthood and together we will grow into amazing human beings; we will make mistakes, go through many trials and tribulations, but the most important thing is that we will be by each other's sides.

Not all of it will be hard though, we will make memories that will last a lifetime and even when we are telling them as we get older, we will still smile and be overcome with nostalgia as if they were yesterday. I promise to be there for you all through thick and thin and to always love you and be there for you. I never want these memories with you all to end.

I may be known as the girl who loves way too hard, but frankly, you are all worth it. Thank you, and I am so excited for these next three years and a lifetime with you all.

Cover Image Credit: Abigail Merritt

Related Content

Facebook Comments