I used to pride myself on being the friend whom everyone could talk to and felt comfortable being around but lately, I’ve noticed I haven’t been feeling that way.

This is not just a one instance thing that has changed my whole perception on myself it’s that I just don’t feel the same. So I decided what better to do than write about it, and maybe I could organize my thoughts.

We all know the good friend, the one who is always lifting others up and puts people before herself. We also all know the too good friend, she’s the best friend. She’s the friend who pulls you together after heartbreaks, she mourns the loss of your favorite childhood dog, jams out to boy band hits and reminds you there’s no way you could fail out of college. She’s the friend that even when you’re grounded your parents will let you still hang out with.

This friend pours her heart and soul into her friendships sometimes finding the recipient is simply that. A recipient. Who unfortunately is mainly a taker and not a giver. So what happens to the good friend who is always there. Well, she vanishes. She rips the doormat off of her back, takes the weight off her shoulders and she just might go bad.

Not this kind of bad.

No, not a bad ass. A bad friend. The kind of bad that turns a very selfless person into a selfish person. If you are constantly giving and giving and giving you run out. Then you revert to finding people who will appreciate you and lift you up.

You look for friends who want to hear about your heartbreaks that have never been listened to. Your search for friends who holla back with a YAS QUEEN. And next thing you know you have created a tornado of selfishness because you always find ways to bring the conversation back to you. You get called out for not being interested until it is about you and you selectively listen until you’ve completely ignored your friends’ problems.

This transformation is like an avalanche. It is quiet but dangerous to anything in its path specifically any type of friendship. How do you stop it? I think it is a Mean Girls effect where you don’t see what you’ve done until something or someone brings it to your attention. I don’t have a specific pinpoint moment I think it hit me when I felt like people were often more unhappy than happy with my actions.

However, I have good friends. Friends who know how to balance their self-love and love for others. Friends that can help me find equilibrium again so that I’m not extremely giving or extremely taking. I am extremely blessed to have them in my life because they haven’t given up on me yet.

So, to my overly good friends and my bad friends, it’s time to stop. For the good friends, don’t be a doormat or dumpster for problems.

Speak up for yourself and express what you’re feeling. If you’re not getting what you want out of your friendship then cherish it enough to save it now instead of waiting a few years when it is TOO LATE. To the bad friend, you need to care about people other than yourself plain and simple. If you can’t be a good friend then you can’t expect the good ones to stay forever and you also can’t be mad at them for leaving a friendship that is reciprocal, that’s your problem.

We need to evaluate our friendships every now and then to see what is going on so we don’t become or stay bad friends. Ultimately, the bad friend ends up alone but there is no time like the present to change. That’s what I’m going to do and hope you will too.