No matter how likable, no matter how old, and no matter how smart, none of us are immune to being hurt by someone else. In fact, a lot of the hurt that we experience from our family or friends or even strangers may be unintentional.

So what do you do when someone you know and love hurts you intentionally?

It's unfortunately really easy to respond to being hurt by lashing out. It is the animal reaction, the instinct of emotion taking us over. That's probably the reason why much of the internet is flooded with hateful commentary. When others disagree with our opinions, we react personally. After all, unless we are pulling an opinion out of a hat, we've spent our whole lives forming our opinions. Every moment that you've lived has built up the way you feel and think about the world, and when someone reacts in a strong and negative way to those feelings and thoughts, it's as if that person is ripping through your whole life--not just that one moment--to tell you that you are wrong. So how do we ignore that animal reaction to respond in a positive or at least constructive way? Should we ignore that animal reaction? I have to say no, that we shouldn't ignore it, but that we should instead absorb it.

Absorb the words that somehow says to you. The first evaluation you should make is whether or not there is any truth. This is the hardest thing you might possibly ever do, especially if you are proud, sensitive, or stubborn. You must first decide whether their words are really a reflection of who you are. Are there changes you should be making to your life? Could you be a better person than you are by listening to what they have to say? Is there anything at all you could improve upon based on their reaction? The answer to all of those questions is much more likely to be yes if the person who hurt you is extremely close to you. They see the real you and usually want nothing more than to bolster your well-being, even if it means offending you temporarily.

Then there are the other words. The words that hurt and are out of line. How do you deal with words that cut you even at the same time as they are false or vindictive? How do you combat statements that are simply unkind and not true? It's not easy because again our animal instincts want to take over. You will likely want to cry, or fume, or sit on a hurtful statement, letting it fester. It's important to know that if something said about you is untrue, you should take to heart that it isn't. Acknowledge that the hurtful statement is no reflection of you. You can try to decipher where the hurtful statement come from. Is it jealousy or feelings of superiority? Does it have a base in sexism, classism, racism, ageism, or bigotry? Once you realize the source outside of yourself, it is easy to see why you shouldn't concern yourself with it.

Finally, if the hurtful statements hold little to no truth or were said simply to make you feel bad, the best possible reaction you could have is to make a single statement, and then leave it at that. Avoid attempting to defend yourself. If you are defending yourself, then either the statement held some truth, or you are still too blinded by hurt to make a proper evaluation, and you should engage in some lengthy reflection. You can simply say, "That was not true." Or, "That was unkind." The best way to combat lies is with a simple truth. Leave logic behind if the goal is to end the fight. You cannot reason with someone who is trying to use your emotions against you. If the person continues to berate you, find a way to out them from the conversation.

Walk away, turn off your phone, delete the post, hang up the phone. Anything else is wasted energy.