Over the past two weeks, I’ve listened to several of my professors give lectures on rape culture, sexual assault and signs of stalking. We learned about how important it is for people to understand that when a person says “no” it means absolutely not.
However, the older I get the more I experience instances where I find myself feeling extremely uncomfortable.
This isn’t some “man-hater article.” Obviously, not every man in this world is a creep. However, the problem is the ones that are.
I remember last summer I went to the beach with my roommates. This is the second time the same man has approached us.
He laid down next to me and ask for one of us to rub sunscreen on his back. We all refused and he got offended.
“What? I’m not some creep,” he said.
We continued to ignore him, yet he continued talking about his life and how he would never cheat on his girlfriend, but he was interested in us. I noticed other people on the beach watching how uncomfortable we looked. But still, no one said anything.
Then he asked if he could touch my tattoo on the side of my ribs. Of course, I said no. At this point, I’m angry because he is already grazing my tattoo. I instantly stand up and tell him to leave and he acts like I’m the one that is crazy.
This ignorant excuse of a man genuinely believed that because we were on a beach wearing bikinis it meant he was entitled to make us feel like we owed him something.
I wish I could say this is the only time something like this happened to me, but it isn’t the first time and unfortunately, I know it isn’t the last.
Just a few weeks ago I was walking home from the library. I was alone and it was getting dark. I was close to my house when a man pulls his car out in front of me. He offers me a ride and I declined. Instead of letting it go he slowly begins to follow me down the road.
My dad constantly reminds me how important it is to not walk alone at night. I’m angry because all I wanted to do was go home, but here this man is stalking me. As I start weaving in between houses so that he doesn’t see where I live I start to realize that this isn’t a rare occurrence, but something our society has defined as an actual “culture”.
Once again, a week ago I went out with two of my friends. They were the only people I knew at the house we went to. I didn’t know anyone, so I was trying to socialize. A guy came up to me and he seemed nice, but then he started following me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I told him over and over again that he was making me feel extremely uncomfortable, but instead of walking away he grabbed my face trying to kiss me. No matter how many times I said no it only encouraged him that much more.
Before the owner of the house asked him to leave he walked up to me one more time and said, “Thank you for reminding me why I will never be nice to a woman.”
Maybe you are one of those people who thinks I’m being dramatic. Maybe you think it isn’t that serious. In the moment, I know how uncomfortable and helpless I felt and how afraid I was of being left alone with him. My parents always told me to follow my instincts and my instincts were screaming that this guy had bad intentions.
It has become something women have learned we have to just live with. We’re constantly told never to put our drink down and watch what we wear. The blame is often put on the victim instead of the actual person that is creating the uncomfortable environment.
One in four women experience sexual assault on a college campus and 1 in 6 women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime. And it’s not just women, men experience it too. These statistics are alarming, and the system is failing tons of survivors that come forward.
I always dreamed of having a girl of my own someday But, as each day goes by I wonder if I would even want to raise a girl in a world that doesn’t respect her boundaries. My experiences are nothing compared to the stories I’ve heard from other women. Either way, it needs to end and I just hope the future offers more.
I’m tired of hearing that my clothes justifies your harassment. I’m tired of hearing that because a woman drank too much she asked for it. I’m tired of entitlement and being followed when I simply just want to go home after a long day. I’m tired of hearing how I need to avoid getting assaulted rather than men being taught how to respect the women around them.