As I sat on the beach watching the storm clouds roll in, I thought to myself, “Oh I’ll be okay. I will head back to the condo soon enough before the rain hits." I just sat there listening to music and praying to God about life. About everything and anything I could think of. I stood up to go put my feet in the water and all of a sudden it was pouring. I was soaked from head to toe within seconds. I still had my headphones in and was trying to keep my phone dry but instead of running as fast as I could, I just turned around and looked at the ocean. I watched the waves make contact with the shore and I just started laughing. I had the biggest smile on my face. And then the song “Even When It Hurts” by Hillsong United came on (if you haven’t heard it, you should listen to it ASAP, please). I continued to stand there and listen to the music while I heard the waves and rain in the background. My smile got bigger and I probably looked like an insane person because who would laugh and smile while they are stuck in the rain? However, that was probably one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had. Let me explain why and try to look slightly less crazy.

To any other person, it may seem like I have always had an amazing spiritual life. I have typically been known as the “holy girl” to my friends and family, which of course is an amazing compliment, but there have been many times that I have felt unworthy of that title. In fact, it wasn’t until high school that I truly discovered God, and it wasn’t until college that I realized what a personal relationship with God looked like. Through the discovery of that relationship with God, I realized that things were going to hurt.

I have never dealt with bad news very well. It may seem like I am always happy and in good moods but that is because I do not believe in being a moody person. In reality, when something bad happens, I fall apart. I keep it in and then the second I am alone it all unravels. Do not get me wrong, I am an open book with a lot of people, and I will always tell close friends and family what is bothering me, but I tend to act more okay than I actually am.

When this happens, I look to God. It’s what I have always done. But I usually never thank Him for the bad stuff. The conversation is usually filled with me telling God I am mad at Him and how confused I am with the situation. However, God can handle that. It is not bad to be upset with God but what is important is to keep the faith, which I have not done in the past. I haven’t felt worthy of that title because I have had so much doubt. Not doubt that God exists but doubt that God is working in my life. Doubt that the bad situation was actually good for me. My lack of faith at times has been ridiculous, especially this past year. Honestly, it wasn’t fully until that moment on the beach that things changed. This past year hasn’t been the best emotionally or mentally. It has been filled with a roller coaster of emotions and life changes. But because of my relationship with God, I prayed more than I ever had. I tried to truly immerse myself in my faith. I still had doubt. I still did not fully trust, but I prayed. I prayed so much for clarity and for trust. I prayed that whatever God was doing that it was the right thing for me even though I did not fully believe that. That’s all I could think to do was pray. That’s why I got up almost every morning to pray on the beach. I couldn’t imagine going a week without having some peaceful time alone with our Lord.

It was no accident that I was caught in the rain at that moment and that “Even When It Hurts” began to play. For those of you who do not know the song is all about praising God even when you are hurt. Even when you are broken. No matter what. It’s about praising Him even more when things are not going the way you want. I had heard the song before, but never related to it. I would think to myself, “Why would I praise God when bad things are happening in my life? That doesn’t make sense”. But that day on the beach as I stood there smiling as big as I had in a long time, I listened to the words that I had listened to several times, “Even when the fight seems lost, I'll praise you. Even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise you. Even when it makes no sense to sing, louder then I'll sing your praise”, and I felt peace. I watched the rough waves hit the shore and I thought of myself. I thought of all the times in my life when “waves” have crashed into me and I doubted that they would settle down. But in that moment I knew why I was smiling. I knew why I was laughing. Because how could I ever doubt God? Why wouldn’t I want to praise Him louder in the hard times when He is the one who can make something beautiful out of them? If I turn my back completely on my Savior then how will I ever recover? That was the first time in a long time that I felt totally at peace. After all the prayer and worrying, God gave me an experience I will never fully be able to comprehend or describe, but it will change my life forever. Even when it hurts, I’ll praise Him.

Yes, it is okay to be mad at God, but get it out and then let Him calm your waves. Give it all to Him. Even when it hurts, or you’re confused, frustrated, furious, doubtful, praise Him even more. Thank Him for what He is about to do. He is able to make something so incredibly beautiful out of us if we give it all to Him. Just like the waves settle on the shore as they come crashing down on it bringing tons of beautiful seashells, God can settle the waves that come crashing down on us bringing tons of beautiful things. So praise God for the waves, let Him get you through the storm, then enjoy the beautiful seashells.