"This summer is going to be the one. The one where I land my dream job, connect with the right people, and plant bountiful seeds for my blooming future."

These thoughts continuously ran through my head as I began a long and multi-month period of recruiting and filling out applications at the end of my summer as I launched myself into junior year in college. You see, I had this whole plan ready to be played into action.This mental step by step manual was supposed to pave the way for myself to succeed in this world.

To many, this may seem but a trivial and shallow first world problem that really is not that big of a deal. But to a rising senior transitioning slowly into the adult world, the cloudiness of a future is like a welcoming black hole that cannot wait to swallow her whole.

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked in my twenty years of life "what do you want to be when you grow up" or "what are you trying to do in the future," then I would make a pretty rich post-teen.

Those dreams that we have growing up sometimes, or rather, eventually, come face to face with a reality that we 1. did not expect and 2. tried to push aside until time ran out. The fact that my life could be anything but living those dreams is a frightening truth that we have not been taught how to deal with in life.

After receiving calls of rejections and emails of "I am sorry to inform you," I was more baffled and lost than I have ever been in my life. What was it that I was lacking? Was I not good enough? Are my dreams an illusory cloud nine that I fantasized for as long as I could remember?

The self doubts piled on and gradually caved into my whole being. It is amazing how much self esteem and self confidence a simple couple of words can chip away. However, at the same time, this reality check made me question where I really want to see myself in the future.

And honestly, I am still not sure of where I am headed post-graduation. My passions that I thought were going to equal the rest of my life gave me the drive to persist in this unrelenting battle of school, job searches, and networking, but at the same time, they wore away motivation and beat it dry.

Nevertheless, that child-like love and excitement that we have always had for our dreams should not just fade away and pass on. Of course, it will never always be a win-win situation, and we will learn that it is necessary to make huge sacrifices. But for what it is worth, I know that my dreams were something that I wanted more than anything else at a time in my life and I am not ready to just let them slip through the cracks just like that.