"I'll be so much happier when I lose 20lbs". "I'll be happy after I get that promotion". "I'll finally be happy after I find the love of my life". I know those words all too well and if you do too, you've fallen prey to the "When I…" mentality.
The "When I…" mentality, as the examples above present, is when you delay your own happiness by waiting for X, Y, and/or Z to happen. You believe that you cannot be truly happy until you've reached specific milestones.
I believe the "When I..." mentality is toxic, but I don'tbelieve the "enjoy every moment" mantra either. Quite frankly, in this world - and excuse my language - shit happens. We all have days, sometimes even weeks or months, when we feel like nothing is going right.
However, by letting landmarks control your happiness you'll waste your life away and forget about things that could possibly be making you happy now.
When you're on your deathbed, it's likely that you'll wish you had more opportunities to do the mundane things like brushing your teeth and take your morning commute and calling your mom just to hear her ask for the 1,000,000th time when you're gonna get married. You'll wonder why you spent your whole life waiting when you could have been enjoying what you already have.
All the trivial things in life may not seem like much now, they might even seem annoying, but they're no less a part of your life than the thrilling moments. Aim to make the most of them.
Instead of waiting for big milestones to make you happy, find something that makes you happy now. There's almost always something; maybe it's your morning coffee or a long conversation with a good friend. Cuddling your pet. The kind secretary who never fails to greet you when you come into work.
In the age of social media, it's hard to be satisfied. There's always someone who has a better house or a better car or someone going on a more thrilling vacation. But you know what? Being sad about it isn't going to help you.
Something I do to avoid the "When I…" mentality, is write down three things every day that make me happy. Sometimes they're little things and sometimes they're deeper, but it brings gratitude into my daily life diminishes the importance of what I want but can't currently have.
The next time your brain starts to say, "When I…", recognize it and find something to distract you from drowning in that black hole. I can assure you; your mental health will benefit.