At the beginning of winter break, I was extremely motivated. I was prepared to go to church every day, go to adoration a bunch, and pray all the time. I was on fire for God and I was ready to bring that burning flame to St. Louis. I did a decent job at first. I didn’t go to daily mass very much, but I tried to go to adoration frequently. Even though I didn’t go to mass much, I still went every Sunday and prayed a lot. However, I felt like that flame went away after Christmas. I found out one of my best friend’s father had cancer. My heart broke. I was in disbelief. Even though I didn’t realize it at the time, I feel that because of that diagnosis, I let that flame in my heart burnout.

I will never understand why God allows things like that happen to people. I found myself continuing to go to church on Sundays, I tried to go to adoration, and I even started a rosary novena for her father. Even though I tried to keep up with my faith life, I felt like I was just going through the motions, and I still do. It’s been like this since Christmas. Last semester, I felt like I was just going through the motions with classes, but now I feel this way with my faith and I cannot stand it. I don’t want to be upset with God. I don’t want to go to church and not feel anything or walk out of adoration feeling like I didn’t even talk to God. I am literally just going through the motions. However, I feel like what I have realized is that sometimes you most likely are going to feel like you are just going through the motions. Maybe you have always felt like that. The important thing is to realize that even if you are mad at God, or don’t understand what he is doing, or just simply don’t feel his presence, it is important to continue to go through the motions. It’s important to continue to go to mass and adoration. It’s important to continue to pray and do these things even if you don’t feel like you are getting anything out of it because you still love God, at least I do. Yes, I am upset with Him and confused, but I still love Him. I find truth in the Catholic Church and in God. I believe that if I keep practicing my faith, I will get the peace I need from God. I will continue to pray to Him and visit Him in adoration because when you love someone you do things for them, even when you may not feel like you are getting anything out of it. Since I love God, I will continue to worship Him, talk to Him, and be with Him. I will let Him know I am mad, upset, and confused. God is a big boy He can handle it. Let Him know how you are feeling. He is our father and we aren’t always going to understand why our parents tell us certain things, or give us certain rules, but they always have our best interest in mind.

So even when you don’t get it, or don’t feel like you get anything out of mass, or prayer, or adoration, continue to do those things, if not for yourself, then for God. Hang in there, and know that God loves you more than you can imagine. Just remember that those motions are acts of love.