When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalinthi was suggested to me by a friend who is interested in becoming a neurosurgeon like myself. Opening the book to the dedication page, I remember seeing that it was dedicated to Cady, and at that time, the name meant nothing.
Now I know that Cady is the daughter of Paul Kalinthi, a brilliant Neurosurgeon who lost his life to lung cancer. When Breath Becomes Air is no longer just a book, but a brilliant masterpiece of all that Paul Kalinthi discovered throughout his life. He was a man that was searching for the reason for existence and the purpose of life before death. I haven't lived long enough to make all the mistakes of the people before me, so I know that his story is one that I must take in carefully, thoughtfully, and take a detailed look into.
I was interested in this book as soon as I knew it was about a Neurosurgeon. I desperately try to imagine what my own life would be like -- to have the responsibility of saving someone's life every day -- but I understand now that being a brain surgeon is not just about protecting someone's life, but protecting their identity.
I never thought about it that way. Those words -- "protecting someone's identity" -- sent an electricity through me that both scared and thrilled me. It won't only be about keeping my future patients alive, but it will be about protecting the memory and functions inside their brain that make them who they are. This thought is fascinating. To think that the brain is who we are. To think that in an instant, the knife of a neurosurgeon, cut 2mm deeper that it should have cut, can take away one's ability to communicate and function.
Not only would I have the responsibility to protect their identity, but along with that, I would have the responsibility to protect their ability to communicate with the world. There was a patient of Paul's who, after a mistake in surgery, lost his entire ability to communicate with the world. He became trapped inside his mind, where no one could understand him, but he could understand everyone else.
Discovery. I learned that Paul went to Stanford and got his masters in literature before he knew that he wanted to become a doctor. He wasn't sure if he wanted to write and read for the rest of his life, or save lives. He wanted to come as close to understanding his existence as possible, and then he got lung cancer.
Death was in the air. It wasn't until death was in the cards that he learned what he wanted with his life. He wanted to write. He wanted to communicate everything he could never say out loud. Imagine yourself with all the things you never said kept to yourself, and you know you're dying. So,you write to be free. Paul died in peace and he left his legacy for me to know that we can never be perfect, and we may never find the answer to all our questions, but it is the search that allows us to be closer to the truth of our existence.