All too often, movies and television use paramedics and EMTs as plot devices to drive a story forward. So often, emergency medicine is shown as 10 minutes of chest compressions or wrapping someone in a blanket while they sit on the bumper without giving any real indicator of what happens behind the scenes or in the minds of those minor characters. When a profession is displayed in such a simple, one dimensional way, questions may come that seem innocent but cut deeper. Among all other questions, one stands out above the rest: “What’s the worst thing you’ve seen?” On the surface, this question seems to simply be a curiosity about a career choice different from your typical nine-to-five desk job. But underneath a seemingly simple question is a request to relive a terrible moment.

For an emergency medical worker, the “worst thing” they’ve seen is likely to be something most people hope to never see. A bad day in the back of an ambulance is unpredictable. Someone’s worst memory may be a child they couldn’t save who barely spent a month outside the womb. It may be holding the hand of a frail, old man whose wife of 65 years passed away in their bed in the night. Car wrecks, heart attacks, strokes, shootings, stabbings and any number of traumas or illnesses could plague the nightmares of the responding crew members.

Desensitization is common. Exposure to tragedy and chaos so frequently causes a barrier to form and emotions are compartmentalized. Despite our best efforts, however, there may be a small leak in the barrier that lets the bad experiences come to the forefront of our mind. While you may innocently be asking for a glimpse in to someone else’s job, asking for a description of our worst sight is asking us to reopen wounds that are best left held together. If we cannot accept what we’ve seen and move on, we can no longer do our job to the best of our ability.

Instead of asking for the darkest times, ask instead how have patients impacted us in a positive way. Ask instead what our profession does to lighten our hearts, instead of asking about what weighs us down. Our job is one that is full of difficult tasks but also one that we gladly do and will continue to do. The chance to improve on someone’s situation or aid them in their most frightening moments makes up for the times that our best is not enough. My one request is to leave the times that our best is not enough in the past rather than ask us to recount the details of moments that may haunt us.