When I first set up my Facebook account about nine years ago, I remember feeling like I was part of the “in-crowd.” Everyone I knew had had an account for about six months already, and I was way behind the times. I wondered what the big deal was about this “social media” when it just seemed like glorified instant messaging. But then I started receiving friend request after friend request, and I felt important. Special. Kind of popular, even. And so I became hooked. I would constantly look at everyone’s posts and comment and like them. I would occasionally post something going on in my life—but only the good things. Then I’d wait for the comments and likes to see how much people really liked me. Of course, I’d always be comparing myself to others who had more likes or comments than I.

Social media can easily become a narcissistic popularity-contest trap. It’s a place where you can show only the good side of your life. Share the best pictures (which are edited). Type paragraphs of emotional, deep feelings. Declare how good life is. Brag about a graduation, relationship, job, kids, etc. After all, your page is all about you. Facebook even asks you first thing, “What’s on your mind?” Instagram is only about sharing great pictures that you can filter to look pretty close to professional. Who would share an ugly picture? Instagram is a place to show your good side.

Now, please don’t think I am against social media. There are good and bad sides to these web sites, as with most things. One of the reasons I created an account with these sites is to keep in touch with friends and family who live far away. It’s a good way to share what is going on with your life without having to mail pictures or call. It’s also a good way to get your name out there personally or for businesses. Everyone is on the web now, so being on social media is almost expected. Yet, something is still missing. Sure, it’s okay to keep in touch with people through social media. It’s even better as a business owner to keep your customers updated through posts. But ironically, the social aspect is missing. You need to be friendly with your customers. Talk to them! When you’re with friends, don’t spend all of your time looking down at your phone. Look at them! Make conversation! When you’re with family, enjoy their company. Make them feel appreciated.

What is social about social media? Especially when it disconnects people from face-to-face interaction? I have found myself settling into bed for the night with my husband, looking on my device at social media. I look over and see him doing the same. How is this being social? Take advantage of the time you have with the people you care about to actually interact with them. Don’t just share a sentimental paragraph about someone that you care about—tell them how you feel about them in person. That is being truly social.