Looking back on my (long) years at Villanova University, one of the main reasons I chose to go there was because of the community it boasted. Community- one big happy family, where everyone gets along with one another and no one is left behind. Going to college was scary in the mind of my first-year self- Villanova would welcome me with open arms and I'd find my place sooner or later.
It's been almost four years since I've first arrived. Have I found my community? Yes, but here's the thing:
They're not my family. Not even my second family.
I'm not here to talk about that though. Going into my senior year, I've been wondering, what does it mean to be a community?
For one thing, I don't think it's necessarily being 'like family'. I know we say that phrase a lot, but if someone is 'like family' then you have to be willing to drop everything for them when they really need you, regardless of the circumstances. How many of your college friends would you actually do that for?
So, if being a community is not like being with a second family, then what is a community?
Here's a thought. Instead of a second family, community is a bit more like a network. It's a network of people who just want you do better in general. They're filled with acquaintances, not friends.
If there's anything that's close to community, I think of a support network. Are they like family to me? No, not at all. They don't know me. I don't know them. Some people, I barely know anything about them aside from their name.
But that's not as important as the fact that I know those individuals will have my back when I need the support most. Them not knowing I eat instant ramen at midnight a bit too often is not as important as the fact that we're not afraid to talk to each other about not only our similarities but also about our differences. Our privileges. What makes us comfortable and uncomfortable.
Because you see, sometimes being family means averting your eyes when your uncle says that problematic comment about women dressing too scantily for his liking. Sometimes being family means merely rolling your eyes when your aunt pesters you about having a boyfriend, when in fact, you may have a girlfriend instead. Sometimes, being family means accepting another person as they are regardless of their faults and weaknesses.
A community doesn't do that. At least not for me. Rather than accepting what biases I might have had, those individuals would question it. Challenge me, push me to be a better version of myself. Maybe we didn't have enough to get to know the little intimate details that I've come memorized of my close friends, but the time we spent together? More than enough for me to know they will support me, encourage me to grow as a person, keep me accountable for that throughout the rest of this school year. They don't need to know everything about me to do that.
I think that, is more than enough to be a solid community.