Anxiety is different for different people because the chemical imbalances in one person might not be the same in another. What causes anxiety in someone might not do anything to someone else. Regardless, there are often things that we wish people could understand about what it's like to have anxiety and what helps us and what doesn't help us. Personally, writing is easier than speaking, so here's what I wish people knew about my anxiety.

1. Please don't tell me to "just relax"

Don't even start. Don't even think it, don't let the thought come across your brain. You won't help if you tell me to just breathe in and breathe out, believe me, I've tried. Tell me to calm down or relax and I'll think of all the reasons why I can't and that will make me feel worse, so for your sake and mine just don't, please. If I could calm down, do you really think I would be having this problem right now? No, I wouldn't.

2. It can come out of nowhere and happen anytime

I can be having a great day and then I'll just feel anxiety bubble up and start to take me over, and there goes my good day. Normally I can pull myself out which takes a great deal of strength in itself but on the days I can't, please be patient with me. I didn't ask for this and I especially didn't ask to have an off-day today. It bothers me much more than it does you, I promise.

3. It means the world when you tell me what I need to hear

If you think it won't matter if you say "I'll always be here for you" then please understand that it honestly means the whole world. I can feel like the everything is turning against me and my friends hate me so asking for help to be able to breathe again can feel like the equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest because of how ashamed of myself I feel sometimes. When you take your time and try to help me and I know that you're really trying it is the best feeling to know that even when I feel scared and pathetic that I still have friends that will always be there for me even at my worst.

4. Half of what makes it so bad is the stress and anticipation of waiting for it to happen

Honestly half my stress is the fact that at any time something can happen that will make me anxious, and while it might seem like no big deal to you it can be a huge obstacle to me and send me feeling jittery and nervous for hours. Yeah, I know it's irrational but I honestly can't help it. It's my brain.

5. Some of the best times for you may not be the same for me

If I'm in a crowded room and I don't know many people, I'm probably not going to have a good time. I'll feel stressed that I'm in everyone's way and because I have nowhere to go I can't exactly fix that so I'll spend the whole night feeling like everyone hates me when in reality they're likely not paying attention to me. I'm sorry if I seem like a stick in the mud but I do try my best to enjoy myself, but more often than not I'd rather stay in and just hang out with people I know and trust so I won't feel so awful.

6. More often than not you won't know if I'm having an anxiety attack unless I tell you

I keep this sort of thing to myself because I'm embarrassed and I know you have problems of your own and you don't need to deal with mine. If you ask me if I'm okay, I'll probably say yes but secretly I'll feel a lot better knowing someone can notice even when I'm hiding the majority of my discomfort.

7. If I open up to you, know that I trust you with everything I have

If I tell you if I'm feeling off or I'm panicking and need someone to just talk to me, know that I trust you and know that you will be there for me. This is a really scary thing for me, sometimes I can't breathe and it feels like everything I know is falling apart if something triggers an anxiety attack so know that if I tell you what's happening, I know you won't leave.

8. Medication and counseling can only help so much

I think this is a common thing for most anxiety sufferers. Counseling does wonders, yeah, I can talk through some of my emotions and figure out why certain things bother me and medication can help my brain chemicals but a lot of it is up to me. Actually most of it is up to me, and that is pretty scary. It's hard when waking up is just awful because you're afraid that you'll have an anxious day when the last one is still draining your energy and it can feel daunting to look at the coming day and see how much you need to do.

9. Please don't tell me not to apologize

If I feel like I've made you upset, it will nag at me and make me feel worse and worse until I say "I'm sorry" to let you know I didn't mean anything. If you reply with "don't apologize" I'll instantly feel a million times worse because while I didn't make you upset with me before, now I'll feel like I've made you very angry with me and I'll be off for a while because of how awful I feel about it.

10. Sometimes pep talks do not help. At all.

You can tell me to "hang in there" or "keep going" all you want, but if I'm feeling especially anxious then that is about as much help as giving me an Android charger when I have an iPhone. The thought is there, sure, but I really don't need that if I'm far beyond that point.

11. Honestly, just thank you for everything, because I know it isn't easy to deal with me sometimes

Thank you for trying to understand that I can't control what goes on in my head, thank you for listening, thank you for saying "I'm here for you" and above all, thank you for just being there. I can't fully describe how much it means to have someone there to support me when I feel scared and anxious and panicky, but it means more than you could ever know.