What We Do To Avoid Lawsuits

What We Do To Avoid Lawsuits

Disclaimers and Declarations: Living in a world of frivolous litigation

Ah, America: Land of the free, home of the brave, pioneer of the frivolous litigation trend. Ever since that fateful decision in 1992, consumers have had to endure endless cautionary labels on hot tea and coffee. Not only did Stella Liebeck get awarded a whopping $2.7 million dollars, but she set the stage for countless frivolous litigations, not to mention a plethora of late-night T.V. jokes. In the true spirit of McDonald's slogan, "What You Want Is What You Get", myriads of frivolous lawsuits created the need for equally ridiculous caution labels on all products available to consumers. And I do mean all.

We recently added a recumbent bike to our home. It was very easy to put together, but as I examined the packaging, and equipment, I was reminded once again of what a cerebrally soft society we have become. The first thing that caught my attention was the bubble wrap that the small computerized monitor came in. The packaging was around 3 inches by 5 inches. On the packaging was stamped the warning: "Do not leave this bag close to young children. Risk of suffocation."

If any child has a head small enough to fit inside that little bubble wrap envelope, there are more issues than any potential health hazard presented by the envelope. That being said, I'm sure we have all had a chuckle over some of the idiotic warnings that manufacturers are compelled to place on products out of fear of litigation. Americans have become litigation crazy, and apparently a side effect is that our brains have turned to mush. We have to be warned about everything.

For example, the water bottle I'm drinking from says: "Warning: cap is a small part and poses a CHOKING HAZARD, particularly for children." As opposed to the Jolly Green Giant? And why would a parent need to be warned about a choking hazard? But if that example isn't clear enough, let's look elsewhere. How about on the label of some medication: "This product may cause drowsiness. Feeling may intensify with use of alcohol. Use care when operating a car or dangerous machinery." What's wrong with that? It all seems reasonable - if you don't take into account that it is medicine for a dog.

I do get a little nervous when it comes to warning on food. There is the benign, albeit idiotic, warning label that says: "Allergy advice! Contains peanuts!". No kidding. Imagine that, on a package of salted peanuts. I don't mind the allergen warnings, because that could mean the difference between a wonderful snack or a trip to the ER with anaphylactic shock. However, it is a bit of a head scratcher to read: "This food has been prepared on the same equipment as fish or nuts". Dude, I ordered a salad!

I admit that the "do not remove" warning labels on pillows drive me to distraction. Why can't I remove it? What will happen if I do? Will some alarm go off at the police station and bring a couple of squad cars skidding to a stop at my door? Will it deflate? Self destruct? And, as a side note, why in the world do we have tag-less shirts, but not tag-less pillows?

Only slightly more bewildering are the warning labels that I can't decipher. One weekend I was at a Ladies' Retreat, and we set off Chinese lanterns. Sounds benign enough, but these Chinese lanterns were a packaging nightmare. Not only is there flammable product (the fuel unit) but it is all enclosed in ... gasp, shock... a plastic bag! These poor manufacturers probably had no idea how to put the warning labels on it. Evidently, they decided the flammable part of the package was worse than the risk of suffocation, for there is absolutely no warning regarding the dangers of a plastic bag anywhere on it.

Packaging dangers notwithstanding, deciphering the instructions and warnings were much more frustrating and puzzling. It said:

"Wishing light operating instructions". Operating instructions? I thought we were lighting Chinese lanterns, not trying to run a submarine.

"1: After the distribution of fuel to packaging Kong Cross wire in the side of the field again deduction presses The fuel-pressure lock firmly."

Yes, that is exactly how it was printed, syntax, punctuation, and all. Lovely, isn't it?

"2: A person wishing light take up a Top; Another person fuel ignited the four angle."

I think I can decipher enough of this to mean that one person holds the lantern at the top, and the other lights the fuel cell, which looked like a tea light. What the "four angle" means I still have no clue. The fuel cell was round.

"3: Wait for that the heat enough light, lanterns person lest loose A top hand, changes grips under the light to encircle. Has when the lifting force may let go releases for flying."

The interpretation of this has me worried since apparently we are about to lose a hand. Yikes! What kind of lantern is this anyway?

"4:Xu Yuan light rose slowly the sky, do not forget Wishing, oh...."

I wish someone who understood English wrote these instructions. Oh, wait, there's more. On the other side of the packaging it said:

"Notice item:"

Notice what item? The lantern? I got that already, buddy. Thanks.

"1: Should choose at the option open, calm environment released for flight. No fire ban in areas, the tall building the floor, and so on have covers under the thing to release for flight, must leave outside the airport."

Wait, we have to go to the airport? And here I thought setting of Chinese lanterns was a simple, easy process.

"2: Xu Yuan light can only be used for the distribution the special-purpose of fuel, prohibited by and burning Replace."

The creative use of wording and capitalization on this packaging seems to be the verbal equivalent of a Picasso.

"3: Xu Yuan light are on the rise, that of the flying, cannot the long time not put, and the Flight not to be append the foreign body."


"4: Children must be under the eustody of the adults use."

I shudder to think what "eustody" might be. And, I thought we were using the lanterns, not the children.

Here's the best part: The Disclaimer.


"Xu Yuan light for the fire flying because of environmental ingredient such as improper use of security incidents caused by the release of the commitment. Production enterprises, vendors, transport operators without any responsibility. you use both, then you understand and accept on behalf of the declaration."

That clears it up.

However, since this calm environment has been interrupted by distribution of flying append by "foriengn" objects by the children in my "eustody" and in my use, this declaration is released in a no fire ban area away from an airport. In other words, time to go tend to the children.

Cover Image Credit: Claire Anderson

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Lil Yachty's 'Lil Boat 2' May Not Be Enough To Keep Him Afloat

Here's what you need to know about "Lil Boat 2."

On March 9, Lil Yachty dropped his newest album, “Lil Boat 2.” The album consists of 17 songs, most of which were probably better off not being on the album and seriously failed to impress me, despite its early success on iTunes.

In all of the reviews I have ever written, I normally organize it song-by-song, giving feedback to each track. This time, however, I think I can save all of us time on this article by just being completely honest about Lil Yachty’s “Lil Boat 2.”

Most of the songs from 1-10 on the tracklist are NOT worth listening to.

Other than those three, every other song from the top ten songs on the tracklist were absolute garbage.

The beats to the songs weren’t that bad but, overall, it just sounded like Lil Yachty and his features were WAY too high to be in the studio.

Yachty’s flows, bars and rhyme schemes were ALL weak throughout the entire album, and if it weren’t for the final six songs on “Lil Boat 2,” this review would be nothing but bashing Lil Yachty.

From the 12th track on the album, "MICKEY" (ft. Offset, Lil Baby) the album runs through much more smoothly, regardless of how basic those last couple of songs are.

I imagine Lil Yachty’s fanbase consists mostly of teenagers who eat Tide for Internet views and anybody who knows nothing about what a real rapper is.

Seriously. I cannot stress how elementary this album is. If you’re looking for new rap music to listen to, check out Tory Lanez’s album, “MEMORIES DON’T DIE,” or Logic’s “Bobby Tarantino II.”

Both of those albums are so much better than “Lil Boat 2” that they make Yachty look like an amateur — which he is.

Final Score: 5.8/10
Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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Did Draco Malfoy Ever Get The Clout He Deserved?

Yes, he was literally the worst for a majority of the series. But does this one moment make up for it all?

The new trailer for the “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” series just dropped and I have a LOT of feelings. Mainly:

With the release of this new trailer, the only natural thing to do is to binge watch the "Harry Potter" series. Now, if you don’t know about "Harry Potter" series, I’m going to assume that you were born literally minutes ago. For those of you who do know what I’m talking about, let’s chat.

Throughout the series, we see some pretty rotten witches, wizards and muggles. The worst being Bellatrix LeStrange, in my opinion.

*Side note: Voldemort killed meticulously and with his own “reasoning” that supported his actions. Bellatrix killed for sport. No reason was necessary to support her choices. Regardless of who I thought was worse, it doesn’t change the fact that they were both 100% assholes.*

Throughout the movie, and even more so throughout the book, we are able to see slight character arcs for a majority of these lesser-evil villains, such as Petunia Dursley, Narcissa Malloy, Snape, and Draco Malfoy.

After Snape, Draco had one of the biggest character arcs in the series. He saved Harry and, ultimately, through his actions, gave Harry one last chance to defeat Voldemort. How? Well, Pottermore explains it best, but to put it simply, he refused to give Harry, Ron, and Hermione up to Bellatrix and the Snatchers.

This moment is so pivotal and apparent in the books, yet on screen, while it’s still a huge moment, it still gets downplayed. The weight of the moment isn’t truly felt and could be taken as more of a mistake on Malfoy’s part. That moment, if not understood correctly, could change many viewers' opinions about Draco's transformation from elitist, bigot, selfish snob to a (slightly) unknowingly ignorant, scared, defeated teen.

Damnit, J.K. Rowling, you’ve done it again. Even after all these years, somehow I still always seem to find something new.

Now let’s talk about how the new movie will allow the Ministry to apparate onto Hogwarts?!

Cover Image Credit: Review Me Twice

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