What To Expect When You’re In A Long Distance Relationship

What To Expect When You’re In A Long Distance Relationship

It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
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This one goes out to anyone who has ever been in a long distance relationship, has ever considered being in one, is currently one half of one, and the guy who makes mine worthwhile. My heart goes out to you.

Now, in honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I would write about how I make something as daunting as a long distance relationship work for me.

Whether you are one hour apart or half a world away, distance can be difficult to factor into a relationship. These are a couple of things I picked up on after doing long distance for a year and a half which I would expect to carry over into most other long distance relationships.

For starters, having an open discussion about whether or not distance will be manageable for both of you is a necessity. Having the ability to clearly communicate is even more important than it would be in a normal relationship. When you eliminate physical interactions due to a lack of proximity, your words and actions are what you must rely on to keep the love alive. Talking about where things are headed is scary, but it’s a conversation to have sooner rather than later. It truly puts you at ease once this conversation has been put to rest.

Once you've determined that long distance is the right move for you, the next thing you can do is throw any expectations you may have had out the window and let the wind carry them off. A long distance relationship is really different from one where you live five minutes away from your S/O, and it will change accordingly if either you or your partner need to move away. Anticipate things to go off the rails for a while because they will. But don’t worry. There’s an adjustment period, but you will adapt. Now I'm going to say it louder for those in the back:

Just because things don't transition smoothly doesn't mean that there is something wrong with your relationship.

As you adjust to the distance, remember that being able to set aside time to talk is incredibly important. However, not having a weekly schedule which is set in stone is the best possible thing if you are giving the long distance a try. While having the same plans once a week, every week to talk at 6 pm on Thursdays or watch a movie at 8 pm on Fridays might work for some, I feel that it’s best to avoid anything which could turn spending time with your absolute favorite person in the world into a chore.

Lastly, just because it’s long distance doesn’t mean you should feel lonely. A relationship is supposed to be a positive thing, and if long distance isn’t going to make you happy in the long run, you should really evaluate whether or not it’s the best thing for you.

This has been a very sincere thank you to the dude who managed to be both my best friend and my S/O and makes the long distance worth it.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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Don't Feel Bad For Me When I Say I'm In A Long-Distance Relationship

There's no need for anyone to say, "oh, that sucks" or "that's annoying" or "I don't know how you do it" because I really do love my relationship.

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When I first went out with my boyfriend, I wasn't expecting anything to come from it. He was in the Marines, stationed in South Carolina, and it was just a stupid Tinder date because I was bored and I thought he was funny and cute over Snapchat. Not only did he live an eight-hour drive away, but he was also heading out of the country for Christmas. I never thought I would ever hear from him again after I got into my car and drove back home.

But, I did, and a year and a half later, going on that coffee date was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Right from the start, I knew if he and I were going to date, we would have to face a long-distance relationship for roughly two to three years- whether I finished school first or he got out of the military was up to fate. For us, being apart is normal. We're so used to talking through FaceTime rather than face to face and not seeing each other for weeks on end is more familiar than hugging. We've probably blown more kisses through the phone than having had real kisses.

Would I love to be just a minutes drive away from him?

Absolutely.

Would I trade my relationship for anything else?

Never.

There's no reason for you to feel bad for me when I tell you I'm in a long distance relationship.

There's no need for anyone to say, "oh, that sucks' or "that's annoying" or "I don't know how you do it" because I really do love my relationship.

Being away from each other is just something we do. It lets us be independent, focus on work and school, but still allows us to support each other. Sure, long-distance relationships aren't for everyone, but couples make them work. No relationship is normal and like every other relationship, it takes patience, learning, and commitment. The only difference between a 'normal' relationship and a long-distance relationship is is that our 'date nights' consist of eating dinner together over FaceTime instead.

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