We live in a political minefield. Now, more than ever, politics have become extremely personal. When you support a candidate, the candidate can often speak bounds about your values and character. Even so, it’s naive to think that everyone you meet is going to agree with you; everyone makes choices and has beliefs that are influenced by every moment of their life. Although you may not be able to fathom how your friend can think the things they do, you can’t tell someone that their emotions are wrong. So, what do we do?

1. Get differences out of the way.

If you already know there are certain topics you don’t agree, address them. If you can get them out in the open from a place of mutual respect, it can make the rest of your conversation much easier. It also lets your friend know you recognize their opinion, and they’re allowed to have ideas separate from yours.

2. Keep an open mind.

It’s so important to voice your opinion. Our ideas also tend to dabble in multiple political parties even if we only openly identify with one. You may disagree wholeheartedly on healthcare but discover you have similar opinions on foreign policy. Maybe you disagree on education but agree on immigration. Politics are often extremely binary because politicians force issues to the left or right. There’s no reason someone who identifies with one position should have to identify with all other positions a party takes. You might learn something about your own political identity!

3. Find common ground.

Get to the base of whatever issue you’re discussing. If you’re discussing abortion, for example, agree on the fact that ideally, neither of you probably want fetuses to be terminated. If you’re talking about gun control, agree that neither of you wants people to die from gun violence. Find out where your opinions divulge and figure out why. If you realize which topics you agree and disagree, your relationship can be super healthy. Don’t try to change each other’s opinions.Try to help each other sympathize.

4. LISTEN.

Legitimately and actively listen. Don’t just nod along. Repeat what they say to make sure you understand and assure he/she you care. Ask genuine questions about the ideas they pose. Keep in mind you won't likely change their mind in one conversation. Provide a good outlet for them to talk about their ideas similar to what you expect from them. This will also cause them to listen more actively to you when it’s your turn to speak.

Although none of us want to lose friends over politics, sometimes these strategies don’t work. You can’t always get to the bottom of your disagreements. If you choose to ignore differences in a situation, you can perpetuate problems and exercise an enormous amount of privilege - many people cannot afford to “agree to disagree” on political topics that belittle them and take away their freedoms.

Consider this, if you will: when people less privileged than I are negatively affected by the policy, I don’t support the candidates who created/endorsed said policy. Similarly, how could I support a friend who supports the same policy? This only adds another layer between my privilege and the policy. This extra bit of distance is why it becomes more ethically acceptable for many people to ignore the issue and chalk it up to a simple disagreement. In my mind, it makes little difference.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t try to be friends with people of differing opinions - we absolutely should. It can be healthy! However, I draw the line when the political issues contest my ethical boundaries.