Just about everybody will experience some toxic relationships in their lifetime, whether it is with a partner, friend, or a family member. You don't like the way they make you feel, and sometimes bringing that up can make things worse, it's different for every situation. There are many ways a relationship can become toxic, it’s not black and white at all, and that can be why many people do not realize that this is the situation they are in.

Often times, there are benefits to keeping this person in your life. You have good times with them, but you’re incredibly miserable during the bad. I am here to tell you that you are absolutely allowed to ask yourself if those good times are worth the bad. Yes, it is a very scary question, but I promise you that once you identify the situation instead of internalizing it, you will start to feel better. It is okay to feel scared, and it’s worse when it’s someone you’ve known for a long time.

And you may find yourself having negative feelings towards a few people from a certain time in your life. Whether you see them every day, or there’s been some distance for a while now. The first time you open up to someone about what you’re struggling with, the most common thing you’re going to hear is that you should forgive them for hurting you. I’ve heard that from family, and a few mental health professionals.

Well first off, bulls****! I know for me I am definitely not ready to do that with those few people from home. You think I’m just gonna dismiss the pain, and say it’s okay? Hell no! For me in one case, it was the environment I worked in every day that began to bring our issues to surface, and then seeing them on social media when I come home at the end of the day just made it worse.

So with that in mind, the first thing you want to do is remove yourself as quietly as you can.

The first thing I did was unfollow them from all social media platforms, and it was probably one of the hardest things I had to do, but now that I look back, I felt better once I did that. Delete any pictures you have of them if you feel comfortable if not, don’t worry. BUT one thing you can do is if you remember when you posted a picture with them on Facebook, go into your settings for “on this day” and you can select the dates you wish to not see. That’s what my parents did with pictures of our first dog after he passed away. You can control what you see, right?

Before you even think about trying to make peace, make yourself comfortable!

Take care of yourself before you take any actions! Obviously, I couldn’t just leave my job, I needed it in order to graduate, so I had to stay for a little bit. One thing I did one week was making plans for after work. One day I went to Claire’s for another piercing, another day I got a manicure, the next I went out for dinner. Just small things to be able to survive the day. However, if you are able to leave, find a job that excites you, anything that will make you feel good as new! I ended up applying to my favorite store, and it was by far the best thing to happen to me, I made myself right at home. So really, make small changes in your life, for now, to make the whole situation a little more manageable to sort out.

Find someone to talk to.

Definitely, talk to your therapist, but also find a friend or two to have that extra support. If you don’t feel you can talk to anybody about the person you’re having issues with, that might be something you need to evaluate. Are those relationships that need attention too? You never know. Because you shouldn’t feel that you need to internalize everything, I mean it’s not healthy, nobody likes to do that.

When should I forgive them?

Only when YOU are ready! There is no deadline, and don’t feel pressured to do so when someone thinks that’s the best advice for you. You know your circumstances best, take all the time you need, and do whatever it is you need to do, okay? As soon as you distance yourself, do what works for you, vent or distract yourself, anything. It’s your life, you don’t have to do everything that people tell you to do. Only take the advice you want to have.