Pork. Beef. Ribs. Chicken. Lamb. The pillars of our society.

I’ve never been too outrageously into meat as a dish – I’ve had chicken for dinner so many times in the past couple years that I’m subconsciously unsettled by the color beige – but I can enjoy a good kebab every now and then.

Now, I’ve watched the documentaries, I’ve cringed at those shock photos of caged animals, I’ve fast-forwarded through the Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercials (“In the arms of the angel…”) more times than I can count. But only recently did I actually consider just how messed up the whole industry is.

I was forced to confront my own hypocrisy when a study on animal personalities was brought to my attention in a social media post. It fascinated me, so I dug deeper. Studies from 2008 and 2012 reveal individual differences in personalities among nearly every species in the animal kingdom, including birds, pigs, and even spiders. Franz Weissing went as far as to create a mathematical model that explains how and why animal temperaments – including ours – develop over time. It comes down to a balance of personalities in a community and a balance of costs and benefits in an individual. These tendencies toward a more ‘rigid’ or ‘flexible’ personality persist through positive reinforcement and a touch of Darwinism.

There have been famous studies on elk personalities, how pigs are smarter than human infants, the nonsensical behaviorisms of trout & sticklebacks, and rare monogamy in lizards (as well as my favorite phrase to come out of this research, “lizard cliques”).

So, no, the dumb animals aren’t as dumb as I thought they were. I had put a mental block on this fact for obvious reasons. After all, how could I, an upstanding citizen and promising youth with over 300 volunteer hours, who is an unabashed feminist and fighter of cruelties around the world, condone this horrifying treatment of innocent animals? Animals that can feel fear, joy, suspicion, and love as I do? I made a quick list of rationales:

• They’re animals – Aren’t we?
• They don’t understand what’s happening – I’m…pretty sure they do.
• Hey, this chicken nugget’s already dead, throwing it away in protest would just make the chicken’s death be all for naught – That’s a weak argument and you know it.

And that’s it. This was how I reconciled my compassion for all living things with the horrifying reality of the meat packing industry.

There’s one elephant in the room when it comes to animal rights, and their name starts with PE and ends with TA. I do not like them. At all. PETA is, unfortunately, another organization with a noble cause that was eventually – dare I say, inevitably – corrupted by the trappings of the corporate world. I could go on about how they buy stock in the very fast food chains they claim to despise, the euthanasia rate of their ‘shelters’, or their claim that we’re neutering cats and dogs into extinction. Honestly, just google “why does PETA suck” like I did and strap in. The things they’ve done as a company is just as stomach-churning as the gruesome photos they shove in your face for shock value.

But I do agree with their most basic message: we need to care more about the treatment of animals. The photos I encountered of skinned dogs, hung pigs, and plucked chickens were enough to convince me that this is wrong.

So, I was stuck between “how can I eat this filet mignon without being overwhelmed by guilt” and “no, I don’t want to be known as another self-righteous vegan” (an unfair stereotype that I myself have perpetuated in the past, but a telling label nonetheless).

But you can’t say you really care about something if you feel bad about it for two minutes, make a vague post, and let it take a back seat to the more important things in your life. After what I’ve read and seen about animal cruelty, I can’t just let it slide.

I’m not going to delve too deeply into the scientific studies or any of that guilt-tripping garbage that leaves you feeling like you need a long walk and a shower. I’m just asking you to step back and consider the way we treat the animals we share this planet with. I did, and it’s making me contemplate a whole different lifestyle.

Mom, Dad… I think I’m going to go vegetarian.

I’m not going to bite off more than I can chew and confidently announce my cold-turkey conversion to a strictly plant-based diet. I love Greek yogurt. I’m just going to start with baby steps: staying away from pork and red meat, maybe tentatively trying the tofu in the dining hall. It’s not going to be overnight, and I’m going to slip up and scarf down a lamb kebab every once in a while, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try.