What Your Shoes Say About You

What Your Shoes Say About You


There are many defining characteristics of a person--their personality, their height, where they plan to die one day. But one small feature about yourself says more about you than you might expect, and that is your shoes. To find out just what they had to say, I sat down with some local shoes and asked them what they really thought of their owners.

New Balance Sneakers.

Jerry's feet are soft. But not in a good way. They're soft in a way that reminds me of a rotten peach. I really wish he would forget about me, like I've forgotten about him."


“Every owner I've had smells like what I expect Ezra Koenig to smell like. It's a very calculated and pleasant weird."

Rainbow Flip Flops.

“Please help. I was never designed to be walked on. Every time the human steps, I let out a loud *clap* to let the world know of my imprisonment. As of yet no one has come to rescue."

Running Shoes With The Toes.

“Bill was a good runner in high school, or so I've heard. Broke 4:30 in the mile apparently. Obviously he's gotten weird about it now though. I should not exist."

High Heels.

“I belong to the black-haired, cheer captain Taylor Swift. I don't really like how I'm portrayed in the song at all really. And if I'm being completely frank, I never much liked the sneakers in the bleachers."

Sneakers in the bleachers.

"Taylor's nice. A little...it's hard to describe. Voyeuristic? Is that the word? Like I agree he's cute and all, but there's a limit to how deeply you can stare at a man in his bedroom while he talks on the phone to his girlfriend."


*muffled screaming*


“You wanna see my dinosaur toy? Dinosaurs are awesome. You wanna know which is my favorite dinosaur? You wanna? Huh? I bet you can't guess. I bet you five billion dollars you can't guess. It's a Triceratops. That one's my favorite."


“Julia has had a rough year. Lost her job and such. It's too bad, cause you know, she's a nice girl. It's ironic, I want for her to get back on her feet, and her and I both know that the first step to that is getting her feet out of me."

Paper towel with a string tied to the top.

“It's cruel enough that I exist, but did you have to move to Phoenix too, John? Your feet sweat like your aunt when she talks to telemarketers."

Ice Skates.

“I was born with a mutation that led to a giant blade sticking out of my torso. I cannot balance naturally or stay upright on my own. My owner, Stephanie, tortures me by rubbing me against cold, cold ice. All I wish to ask is, why? Why, humans?"


“If I had five cents for every time Nathan has spilled beer on me, I'd be almost as rich as he is."


“Hailey's feet cold. She put in me. Me hugg. Make warm. Ugg."

Shower shoes.

“Ya'll can never truly know what I been through...I smile now, sure. Present myself as a nice, well-groomed sorta guy. But you don't truly know the hell I been through. You don't know what I seen."

Adidas Yeezy Boots.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

I was never really big on cocktails. Tequila soda is always a go-to drink for me because of its simplicity and, to be honest, lack of extra calories from mixers chock-full of sugar, chemicals, and other unknown ingredients. I like tequila, and like to be able to really savor it.

This all changed when, a couple of years ago, a friend of mine made me a margarita from scratch — no funky mixers involved — and it tasted incredible. It was light, refreshing, and complemented the tequila without overpowering it.

Keep Reading... Show less

I was blessed with thick, full hair up until my late teens. At the time, I cursed my hairiness — this was before full eyebrows became trendy or cool, and were instead a point of bullying many of my fellow full-browed teens can relate to.

Later in my 20s, hormonal stability was something I was thankful for, though a major side effect ended up being hair loss — on my head, lashes, and brows. I now find my filling in my brows on an almost daily basis. As much as I enjoy toying with and testing out different brow-filling products, it'll never be quite the same as being able to have "I woke up like this" full, Gigi Hadid-esque brows.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

May Is Mental Health Awareness Month, A Reminder We Need Even More In Quarantine

You're going through something brand new — that's worth talking about.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This isn't new to 2020, but oh man, if we ever needed a reminder about the importance of mental health, now is the time. With different states all over the place in regard to stay-at-home orders, phased reopenings, and a "new normal," we're experiencing conflict, fear, changes, and unknowns that can easily trigger mental struggles we already have or spark feelings we've never had before. Yes, May is always Mental Health Awareness Month, but in quarantine, that need for positive mental health is taken to a whole new level.

Keep Reading... Show less

Everyone is LOVING "Outer Banks," as you've probably heard. And if you haven't caught the hype for the show yet, these articles will definitely give you a taste of what you're missing.

If you already have seen and fallen in love with the teen heartthrob crew, you need to get on board with some of these theories for season two!

Keep Reading... Show less

These 11 Face Masks On Etsy Support Small Businesses While Fighting The Spread Of Coronavirus

We're staying safe as states start lifting lockdown guidelines.

I, like most people who have had the luxury of being able to stay at home during this time, haven't spent much time outdoors at all. But when I do brave the great outdoors for a walk or to get to the grocery store, you won't find me without a mask.

My family and I were lucky enough to have family friends who were sewing some and had extras to give to us, but most of my friends and loved ones outside my immediate family have had to order some (or make a makeshift one out of scarves or bandanas).

Keep Reading... Show less

13 Reasons We're Using Quarantine As The Ultimate Excuse For Online Shopping This Month

The one thing we haven't distanced from is our bank account.

Throughout quarantine, I've been FaceTiming most of my friends in a full turtleneck or the go-to cozy sweater I keep wrapped around the chair in my room. Either way, I always have tea in my hands to keep myself warm — till this past week.

For most of the country who hasn't had the luck of quarantining in 90-degree weather on their family's lake house or with a backyard pool, things began to change this month. Our favorite shows came out with summer seasons, the sun came out, and we started spending more time outside.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments