The recent emphasis of self-care in social media has led to a long overdue discussion of the topic. It's opened up a dialogue about the harmful impacts of societal pressures and expectations and given way to a thread of supportive voices reminding people to take care of themselves both physically and mentally.
All of the online counsel to step away from things that drain you, the encouragement to reward yourself as a means of motivation, and reminders to be kind to yourself are necessary, however, they're all only a single component of self-care. Self-care is also loving yourself enough to break toxic habits, take responsibility for your actions, and pushing yourself because no one else will.
A recurring issue that members of my generation seem to struggle within maintaining a healthy balance in our lives is the way we process negative experiences and emotions. Based on the content that can be found under the "self-care" tags on Instagram or Twitter, it's evident that we tend to fall between two extremes.
What starts us on a downward spiral is the combination of high goals, failures, stress and measuring our shortcomings on the scale of others' successes. We trap ourselves in our own minds instead of acknowledging that a single failure does not define our identity and that period of stress will not last our entire lives.
The most common online remedies to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety are disconnecting from the internet, saying no, or treating yourself to a new pair of shoes or a doughnut. I fully advocate for buying yourself a pick-me-up from time to time and especially for doing things that allow you to decompress. My issue with the overall conversation about self-care is that it stops with the aforementioned solutions. There is no further discussion about how to handle life's hardships beyond withdrawing for a bit and doing something that makes you happy for a short period of time.
The conversation about self-care does not stop when the bath bomb stops fizzing, nor does it end when you run out of money to bankroll your retail therapy. It continues with the need to address coping mechanisms that keep us from really processing and learning how to handle anxiety, disappointment, and failure.
True self-care can start with being kind and gentle with yourself, but it can't end there. If the end goal is to be your happiest and best self, then you have to be accountable for your mistakes and have the resolve to recognize self-destructive behaviors and commit to changing them.