Coming home for winter break has its ups and downs, and returning to my retail job almost immediately after I got back home was definitely a down. Little did I know that my usual cashiering schtick was gonna be made a whole lot more difficult by the fact that I was gonna have to come out to like, 8 new employees.

As any member of the LGBT+ community will tell you, coming out isn't a one-time thing; it's an on-going process that lasts your whole life. Sure, you don't have to come out to literally everyone, but anyone you see regularly is going to find out one way or another, so more often than not it's best they just hear it from you. I get it: not everyone comes from an area with a large or even visible gay community, and a lot of people have never even met an openly gay person before, so I can see where some of the culture shock comes from.

Still, you'd expect them to keep things respectful and appropriate no matter what your sexuality is, right? Wrong. At least half of the time the person you just came out to will treat you like a case study and launch into a slew of invasive questions as soon as you mutter "I like dudes." Not only is this awkward and off-putting, it's also kind of weird. So, to save all my fellow gays the time and inconvenience, I'm gonna answer all of those things for you right here, right now.

1. "So, like, who is the man and who is the woman?"

Surprise! It's neither of us. That's the whole point. And not only is this question heteronormative (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically the assumption that someone/something is straight by default and that the standards straight people/relationships operate by are what's normal, and that those standards are the best standards), it's also sexist because it's implying certain traits exist within someone by virtue of their gender alone. No, there doesn't have to be one masculine gay and one feminine gay, and no it's not bad if that's not how things end up.

2. "Does it hurt?"

At first, yes, but lube, patience, and a whole lot of trust can solve that. Next.

3. "Do you think I'm attractive?"

The answer is almost always a no for this one, but don't worry, we'll let you down gently. For whatever reason, straight guys just love to know exactly what us gay boys think is so charming about them. I'll answer that one for you, too: nothing. Unless I've been checking you out or dropping hints the whole time, don't put me on the spot like this. Improv isn't my strongest skill and having to think of a nice way to reject you is awkward and exhausting.

4. Any question regarding the person's sex life.

I don't know what it is about saying "I'm gay" that makes people wanna follow up with things like "what's your body count?" and "do you give or take?" almost right off the bat, but the answer to both is "none of your business."

5. "What's Grindr?"

Y'know Tinder, that app you use to find a new hookup every weekend? Like that, except instead of swiping on people one-by-one you can just see everyone in your area all at once. Revolutionary, I know. Oh, and by the way, you can thank Grindr for being the inspiration for Tinder.

6. "What's a top and what's a bottom?"

If you already knew that these were terms used within the gay community, why wouldn't you just Google what they mean? Why ask me specifically and not, like, Urban Dictionary or Yahoo Answers?

7. "What do you think of my cousin/brother/friend? He's gay too!"

Just because we're both gay doesn't mean we're automatically a match made in heaven, but sure, pull up his Facebook for me anyway.