What I'd Do If I Had One More Day With My Grandpa

What I'd Do If I Had One More Day With My Grandpa

One thing is for sure: I'd spend it wisely. I wouldn't waste a second of this one last day.
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It seems that in the blink of an eye, my grandfather was taken from me. Even though he was sick for over a month before passing away, I still feel like I never got a grasp on what was happening before it was too late. I couldn't have changed anything about my final days with him because of his awful condition, but I often think about what I could do if I had one more day with him before he was sick or frail. One thing is for sure: I'd spend it wisely. I wouldn't waste a second of this one last day.

If I had one more day with my Pop, I'd make sure we got to start our morning off early, with some orange juice of course, because as he always said, juice always helps you wake up, even when you just don't feel like it. After a big breakfast and watching some PBS Kids shows together (classics, I must admit), I'd want to take one last big trip down memory lane. I'd grab all of my hand-me-down toys out of their attic and play with my favorites all spread out on the floor of the den, the little wooden people, and make sure that Pop was there to help me with planning out a story line and different voices for the different characters.

I'd want to drive around town in the ancient Oldsmobile for about an hour, and listen to him tell the stories he used to tell about all of the familiar streets and his friends that lived on them. I'd want to go to McDonald's and have one last chocolate milkshake together. After leaving, we'd head back home to his house: the place where I made so many beautiful memories with my grandparents as a child. We'd play in the backyard like I was seven years old again, and for a second I'd probably forget that this was the last time. I'd also definitely make him push me around in the wheelbarrow before heading inside for a glass of lemonade and a piece of coffee cake.

Gram would come into the kitchen walking, instead of sitting in a wheelchair as she does today, and we'd all have one big political discussion and make a plan for dinner. Then, we'd gather all of the family we could and head to our favorite Chinese restaurant. After we got home, I'd make sure I turned on a Dick Van Dyke Show DVD, while Pop sat at the left end of the couch and read a book, while making occasional commentary about the episode I was watching.

Bed time would come around, and I'd be sure to help Pop turn off all of the lights before changing into a huge t-shirt and climbing into bed just like I did as a kid. Of course, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep without Pop checking for monsters. Once business was taken care of, I'd let him sneak down the hallway to check on me in the middle of the night one last time, and then I'd say goodbye. I'd get a goodbye in person instead of through the window when he was moved to hospice care. I'd be able to put my arms around his neck and get one last bear hug. One thing's for sure, though, I know I wouldn't miss him any less.

My memories will be enough to last a lifetime, until we are reunited again in Heaven. However, there will always be a huge part of me that will long for one more day, just one more day with him as he was before the illnesses and age. I truly will never stop missing you, Pop, and you have no idea how badly I wish that Heaven had visiting hours.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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To My Sweet Nana, Life Without You Wouldn’t Be The Same

You’re basically my best friend, but with a bit of an age gap.

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You're my best friend, but you already know that.

You tag me in posts on facebook like every best friend would do. You like to go into town and go shopping which is what girls do. You are always one phone call away or even a facebook message away.

No matter what, you always give me the best advice. I can call you and tell you any and everything that is going on and somehow you have the answer to fix it all. You tell me everything is going to be OK or it's in God's hands.

I promise I would miss all the times you need help with your phone or computer. I will miss you asking me to come look at something you shared on Facebook. I would miss the constant cat videos you tag me in that are so adorable. From getting stains out of my shirt to signing for my packages. I'm not sure what I will do without you.

I wouldn't be driving Miss Daisy. Driving you around is one of my favorite things to do. Of course, It's safer when I'm driving versus you, but it's one of the little things I can do for you.

Your fashion never lets me down. Your knitted tops and converse are adorable. Your Nike sweatshirt and the watch you can't read is too funny. I never know what you're gonna wear, but no matter what it is, you look GORGEOUS!

You're my BFF. You are the woman I go to for everything. My life won't be the same when you're not in it, but I will ALWAYS have all of our memories.

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