Sometime last semester, I reached a slight breaking point.

I suffer from anxiety, which is something I’ve always struggled with and probably always will, but late last semester it evolved from something I could manage to something that was consuming my life. I couldn’t sleep through a night. I was having nightmares. I was in a constant state of panic. I was straining my friendships. I was losing my mind.

I knew I had to do something - anything - to stop feeling this way.

Around Thanksgiving, I made an appointment at the Counseling and Psychiatric Services department of my University Health Center. After going in for my initial intake appointment, the counselor that had assessed me recommended some short-term counseling, which I started at the beginning of this semester.

After finishing my last session yesterday, I’ve realized that there was one key thing I learned that has entirely changed how I handle my anxiety, how I treat myself, and how I react to stressful situations.

Self Compassion

I remember the day my therapist first brought this up to me. I was in an awful mood. It was 9 a.m. on a Tuesday, and the night before had ended with sobbing in the shower after attempting an art project - which had resulted in serious frustration and then evolved into a full breakdown. I was angry with myself. Why did I feel this way? Why did I have to react like this? Why had I worked through several therapy sessions just to turn around and end up back where I had started?

After explaining all of this emotion to my therapist, she asked why I was so angry with myself. She thought that being frustrated with my at project was totally normal. I told her that I was just sick of feeling like that, and I was mad at myself for not being able to tackle a seemingly simple project without it ending in such disarray.

She explained to me that getting frustrated was completely normal in this situation, and that there was no need to be so mad at myself for having a normal reaction. She told me that I needed to work on loving myself - more specifically, being compassionate toward myself - and allow myself to feel a range of emotions. I couldn’t be happy all the time. Here’s a secret: nobody can. That isn’t real life.

This is when it all came together for me. I was beating myself up for having normal reactions to situations; reactions that any person would have. We talked about developing compassion for myself, and asking myself why I was feeling a certain way, instead of scolding myself for feeling any type of negative emotion. This practice has changed my entire perspective, and while I still get anxious, learning to lift myself up in these times, instead of beating myself down, has made all the difference in the world for me.

I guess the lesson here is this: Please love yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be compassionate toward yourself.

I don’t mean just love yourself by taking a bath with a Lush bath bomb and drinking a glass of wine, or buying that expensive purse you’ve been wanting. While these are great practices to love on yourself, they aren’t what I’m referring to here.

Love yourself in the times that it’s hard to do so.

Love yourself when you feel like hating yourself. Be gentle with yourself when you have a bad day. Be compassionate with yourself when you experience negative emotions. It is so normal to feel such a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative, and that is something that I had to learn.

Don’t beat yourself down, you’re doing the best you can.