I have spent a large percentage of my life in relationships with guys. I look back, and out of my 22 years, I spent approximately 9 of those years committed to someone else. And looking back at each of those relationships, I can honestly say only one of them truly had God at the center of it. As for the other men? Well to be honest, a few of them- I'm not even sure if they were Christians.

Now I need to make a statement here: although I do want everyone to experience God's unconditional love as well as inherit eternal life, I do not believe there is anything "wrong" with people who are not Christians. I don't think they are less worthy of love. I don't think they aren't worth getting to know. I don't think they are dumb- it's simply something that I personally am looking for in a partner.

The one relationship I had that was based around God didn't work out, and that's okay. We let our focus shift away from God sometimes- we all fall short every once and a while, but for the most part, I was really happy with our attempt at a happily ever after. We went to church together. We shared our individual Bible study lessons together. We exchanged our favorite Bible verses, talked about God often and even sang to worship music together in the car. Eventually, it fell apart because we were changing people. We still had growing to do, and unfortunately, he wasn't as open and judgement free as I felt a man of God should be, but if there is one thing I am proud of in that relationship, it was our foundation.

All things crumble when they are not rooted in God. I learned this in many aspects of my life, time and again in the 22 years I have been blessed to live. And even some things that are, in fact, rooted in God crumble simply because it is not what God has planned for our future (or maybe it is what God has planned for our future, just not our "right now"!).

Now, I have always believed I was created to love. God made me specifically to love. Love the earth, love people, love children, love animals- he made me to simply love. So the fact that I've been in some type of committed relationship for nearly half of my life doesn't surprise me in the least. What surprised me was that I spent an entire year (and counting) without a man and hardly no romantic interests whatsoever while still maintaining a heart that is called to love unconditionally.

After my most recent boyfriend, I realized that I was worthy of a stronger love, so I sought out the love of my savior more deeply than ever before. I indulged in my relationship with Him: I began attending church at least twice a week, began reading three different devotional passages each day, started consistently praying multiple times a day; more than I ever have before, crafted daily passages in my prayer journal and simply put, I thought about God in my day to day life more than ever before. And let me tell you, I have never felt so full in my life.

When I am in a relationship with a man, I let worldly temptations get the best of me sometimes. There are days I spend more time thinking about him than thinking about God. There are days I spend more time talking to him than talking to God. There are days I spend more time with him than I do constantly seeking out God's presence in my day to day routines. I'm only human. I know this will happen sometimes, but I know when the right man comes along, he will push me to further my relationship with Christ, and I won't feel the pressure of tending to my relationship with him as much. I have always been someone who loves affection, spending quality time, words of affirmation and tender touch in a relationship. I have gained confidence and felt more worthy by being in a relationship with a good man who makes me feel good. I wasn't always searching for my worth through God, rather searching through the affection my current boyfriend was showing me.

I realized through this season that God has been waiting for me to start spending this much time honoring, loving and thinking about him. He has missed His daughter! I have felt a type of fullness that I have never felt with any man. It makes me feel whole and home.

This is who I want to be. I want to be home. I want to be more Christ-like. I want the love of God to radiate from within my bones, but how can it if I am distracted by the men who aren't right for me?

I plan to pursue God this way for the rest of my life. I know a man will come into my life when I am ready and when God intends for it to happen, therefore I do not need to be searching. He will come to me, and I will be so full of God's love that it will ooze out of me and drown this man that my God deems worthy for me. Until then I have God himself.

So to be honest, for the last year, the word "single" is completely and utterly inaccurate for my circumstances.