One of the hardest things to do in life, is letting go of what you thought was real

Everyone has that first love that leaves a imprint on our hearts. The one that introduced us to what love really was and how loving someone can be so special. My first love experience was a different story.

I fell in love with a boy that wasn't really planned. But sooner or later, I fell head over heels for him. He was my best friend, my right hand, my shoulder I cry on, you name it that was him. Everything about life was perfect, until one summer everything changed. Being a senior in high school was stressful enough, finishing up your last few credits and deciding on which college to further your education. That summer was definitely a summer from hell.

I lost a lot of my friends due to how hurt I was. They took sides and it didn't end up being on my side. I felt lost and alone and that's not how someone should feel when they go through a breakup. I couldn't even talk about the breakup with someone without getting emotional. I isolated myself from the world spending most of my time in my room analyzing what I did wrong to deserve this. I got so lost that I soon got called crazy for how I was acting.

What people don't understand is that I am NOT crazy. But in reality, I’m here to tell you that guys will tell girls anything to get them to leave them alone. It is easier to tell a girl that she is crazy than admitting that you as a person did something wrong and to be honest being the victim is not something that you can control. What I went through devastated me and I lost myself. What I mean by I lost myself is, I become someone I could not recognize. Someone who was somewhat of a stranger to me. At the time I did not see it but people around me started to notice. It took me months to be able to realize that I was unrecognizable to myself. When you go through an emotional experience, it could take days, weeks, months and even years. Don’t push someone because you never know what they are going through.

It will take time to heal a broken heart, and its important to remember that it is not the end of the world. People come in and out of our lives everyday and sometimes it takes time to realize that it was not meant to be. I remember spending days in my room unable to breathe, trying to find the words to explain this anger and frustration I was feeling. I wanted every answer I could get that would make all the pain go away, but realized in the end the only person that could stop this feeling was myself. Finally after a year and a few months of searching for answers, I was able to let go of the fact that the boy I once loved with everything was no longer mine. I will tell you it is not easy, it is by far one of if not the hardest thing I’ve had to do. There will always be a special place in my heart that has his name on it, but it will no longer affect me in the way it has before.

Im hear to tell you there are better days. There is hope that you will get past this cloud of heartache and find yourself again. It is okay to feel upset somedays and just want to stay in and read a book. There will be a day that you no longer feel this pain and anger and you will be able to listen to the Taylor Swift song you once loved or that song that you once had as “Your song” and not think about him the way you use too. It just takes time. So find your favorite Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream, a good movie and some friends and forget about the pain you once felt about someone who no longer deserves your love.