Whenever someone discovers my parents have battled addictions, their automatic response is to apologize. Every person feels like it’s an unfortunate life knowing my parents past, knowing what drugs have intermingled themselves into their lives at some point or another. People think my childhood was a mess and my family life is a broken one, which is truly not the case. Being the child of recovered addicts have taught me valuable life lessons that I’m glad I know and hope to pass on to others through sharing the experiences and stories my parents have told me.
The most important thing to know is there’s no one “face of addiction.” I assume people envision my parents as unhealthy, mentally abusive and ragged individual, which is not the case. My mom is what you might refer to as alternative. She loves funky haircuts, crazy hair colors, and body art. But, she also has the most cheerful face, and is consistently keeping up her appearance because she wants others to view her positively, even if she sports an epic Mohawk. My dad is your traditional, clean-cut dad. He has one tattoo from the Navy, he cuts his hair traditionally, wears the most dad-esque New Balance sneakers, and is that average neighborly guy who will plow your driveway in the winter.
My point is, anyone you know could have battled an addiction to something. Whether it be cigarettes, alcohol, methamphetamines, Cocaine, LSD, etc. Addiction can happen to anyone, by the simplest of unfortunate of events. Don’t assume that only the run-down, sickly looking individuals the media portrays as addicts are all that’s out there. Everyone is fighting their own internal battle, so be kind and understanding to everyone, regardless of what they look like.
I have also learned that addiction carries very hurtful assumptions. It’s important for others to be kind and considerate because you don’t know what happened in their life to cause their addiction. Maybe it was an abusive home life or a poor choice as a mischievous youth; whatever the cause don’t assume you know the backstory. If someone lets you into their life and trusts you with this sensitive information, have a heart. Empathize with them, and support them in whatever they’re going through. Many times I’ve seen my mom get her heart absolutely torn to pieces because someone has assumed the worst of her. I’ll never forget taking her to the Emergency Room because of a bad case of Pneumonia. When the nurse came to give her an IV, my mom told her to please be gentle because she’s afraid of needles. Due to the fact there’s a red flag on her medical files for seeking addiction treatment, the nurse assumed the worst and replied with, “no you’re not. You used to shoot heroine.” Now if you ever want to see a pissed-off 12-year-old practically launch herself at a nurse for hurting her mom’s feelings, that’s the way to do it.
I also learned the importance of being informed. Knowing my parents have battled addiction is so important for me and my sister because addiction is genetic. Your disposition to become addicted to any type of substance is about 50 percent genetic. That’s a big number, and it’s important to know. I’m thankful my parents shared their history with us because we are much more cautious than some of our peers. We know what can happen if we try substances, we know we have a high chance of getting hooked and going down a hard road. Knowing this from my parents’ experience makes me much less inclined to partake in risky behaviors.
Finally, I’ve learned recovery is a lifetime process, and it’s important to support our loved ones going through it. My parents are roughly 20-years clean of hard drugs. My mom credits her recovery to becoming a mother. The minute she became pregnant with me, she quit everything. But there are days even now my mom tells me something is a trigger. There are certain songs, smells, events, etc. that remind her of her drug years and give her slight cravings. Recovery isn’t about forgetting the addiction, it’s about becoming stronger over it. My parents are strong enough now to not act on triggers that they would have 20 years ago. But it’s important for those of us that they have shared those experiences with to support them unconditionally in their recovery. Whether your loved one is 2 days or 20 years into her recovery, it’s our job as their support system to be there when they need us, and to acknowledge that addiction is a very real battle they are fighting every day. And no war can be won by a single soldier in your army.