“Are you mad at me?”

It’s a question that we ask our SOs often if we have a history of mental illness.

Here’s a glimpse into what it’s like and how you can work on curving your worries.

1. You’re constantly wondering if they’re ignoring you even though you know they’re busy.

With technology making it easy to be in CONSTANT contact with everyone. It’s way too easy to overthink and analyze our communications. How long it took for your SO to reply, how long their reply was, what does that emoji mean??? Sound familiar? Especially through shortly written communications, it’s easy to cross wires and misunderstand messages. There’s no way to indicate tone or body language. Try using video chat or setting up a time to call each other even for five or ten minutes. This way you can both go about the rest of your day uninterrupted and without worry. Skip the “Are you mad at me?” unless they verbalize that they are upset.

2. You don’t feel good enough/pretty enough/smart enough

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It sounds so cliche, but guess what? Your significant other is spending time with you because they do think that you are good enough. Take a hint from them and love yourself too. Ask them to be patient with you, but don’t use them as a crutch. It’s good and healthy to be reassured sometimes, but if it’s a constant conversation topic, it’s time to work on some self-love.

3. You’re always apologizing for no real reason.

Bae isn’t mad at you. I’m personally guilty of this one a lot. Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed, would you expect an apology from them to you? If the answer is no, don’t apologize. Give them a kiss and keep the vibes on a positive note as best you can. Don’t make expectations for yourself that are unrealistic. Especially if you wouldn’t expect the same from them!

4. You overreact to small things.

Small things are just that….small. Ask yourself: Is there a logical reason for me to feel this way, or is this worry just a worry. Just because Bae didn’t laugh at your joke or isn’t kissing your forehead doesn’t mean that they are drifting away or upset. Remember that your SO is allowed to have off days too. They might just be tired or stressed. They don’t have to be all lovey-dovey all the time.

5. You have trouble opening up and trusting.

Trust and communication are two of the most important pillars of any successful relationship. It’s really easy to not want to share how you’re feeling with someone because you’re worried that will judge you or it will change how they feel about you. Remember that you’re the whole package! You deserve someone who is a good listener. Don’t hold back because you’re afraid of what MIGHT happen. You won’t know until you speak your mind. Alternatively, be an active listener for them too. Your partner is not a therapist. They can listen. Sometimes that is all that is needed. Be sure to let them know that you are strong enough to listen and be there to support them emotionally too. It’s important that trust goes both ways.

6. You can have mood swings and there’s not always a “reason."

It might be difficult for them to understand at first, but try to be patient with them since you want them to be patient with you too. Don’t use your illness as an excuse to blow things up. If you do blow up, explain that you weren’t feeling yourself, but ALWAYS still apologize because that doesn’t make it okay.

7. You might back out of plans last minute.

Sometimes we all just need a break. Hopefully, you are practicing healthy coping mechanisms, but sometimes a mental health day does consist of an afternoon just lying in bed, watching Netflix, and eating cheese curls. Try not to make a habit of it. Let your SO know sometimes you just need some space away to recharge.

8. You want your SO to just lay in bed with you for hours.

Remember it’s difficult for your SO to have days and days of staying in and trying to help you cope. Their mental health is just as important as yours. Don’t be mad at them if they need some space to recharge sometimes too. You need them at their best to help support you after all!

9. Your sex drive can be low.

This is one that doesn’t get brought up a lot. If you’re not feeling the greatest about yourself, you’re probably not feeling the sexiest either. Assure your partner that it isn’t because you don’t find them attractive or don’t want to connect. Don’t ever have sex or do anything that you don’t really want to do to make your partner satisfied. You should both be able to enjoy your sex lives. Pushing someone in that direction will only worsen their current state. Keep the romance alive, people!

10. You’re constantly smothering them with affection because you’re afraid they’ll leave.

Having multiple conversation threads across multiple platforms of social media can be overwhelming. Your partner leaves your place in the morning after a great night together, you don’t need to text them to tell them you had fun. If you’re scrolling through Instagram and Facebook, you don’t ALWAYS have to tag them in a funny meme you saw. You can always save it for the next time you see them or will talk to them (remember point #1′s phone time date!). It’s great to say little things or do small things to let your partner know you care, but they kind of lose their value if you’re sending “thinking of you” 100 times a day. Take a cue from how often they are tagging/sharing things with you. Remember that they are with you because they want to be. Don’t chase them away yourself because you’re worried about losing them when they’re not going anywhere.