Mental Health is being talked about more and more these days. It's a long and winding conversation. People come out and talk about their struggles and how it works in their head. For as long as I could remember, I've dealt with anxiety and depression. I've heard from multiple people that it's just a state of mind, something that I could change all on my own. Mental health affects people in different ways. But in a nutshell, this is how my head works.
1. It's always the worse-case-scenario
If a friend doesn't text me back, I always think they hate me. It wasn't that they were busy or asleep. I always think they hate me. I always think I've done something wrong. Finals make me prepare for the worst-case-scenario. With everything that could possibly happen, it's always the worst-case-scenario.
2. Some days it's worse than others
There's no reason why I wake up and the world seems to have left me a grey stormcloud of sadness. It just happens. It comes unexpectedly and I never know when it's going to go away.
3. What's wrong? I don't know
I don't know. I honestly don't know. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, I really don't know what's going on. I don't know what's wrong and as much as I try to find out, I never find out what's wrong.
3. "Fake it until you make it" doesn't fix it
People tell me that I need to start smiling and then I'll just start being happy. They mean for me to start going "The sun is shining and everything is great!" (But then my head goes crazy and I realize that global warming is still a thing and we'll all burn up and die because people still don't believe ) Sure, I can fake being happy, but it doesn't make me happy.
4. I want to make plans and go hang out with people… but…
I always seem to find a way to cancel at the last minute, the reasons are always different from situation to situation. It ranges from: because I still haven't managed to get out of bed, or I'm afraid of being a downer on the situation, or I just want to be alone or, I don't want to be rude about it because I don't want them to hate me.