To the people who do not understand my anxiety,

I forgive your ignorance.

But please forgive me when I do not answer your phone call, when you could have simply sent a text. I worry how my voice will sound through the phone. The sound of your voice will have me convinced I have done something to upset you.

Please do not get angry with me when suddenly changed plans cause me to miss important gatherings. Changing the plans the day before said event does not give me enough time to convince myself that everything will go smoothly.

And when I get up suddenly to leave a room, do not assume it has anything to do with you. My mind likes to convince me that everyone is looking at me, and soon after it has me convinced the walls are closing in towards me, leaving me no room to breathe.

You see, I do not live the same life that you do.

A party is never just a party. No, a party is a room full of strangers and judging eyes. A party is a place that likes to put people like me on the spot. A party is unpredictable, and unpredictable is dangerous to people like me.

A long car ride is not always as enjoyable to me as it may be to you. As you enjoy the music and all of the beautiful scenery, I am constantly worried we will collide with another car, or that the engine will suddenly cut off and we will be left in the middle of nowhere.

When the sun goes down, and you are looking forward to crawling into bed, I am dreading it. The silence of the night holds a million unanswered questions, and even more past mistakes that have no relevance to my life anymore. Still, I lie awake pondering on all the ways I have embarrassed myself in the past.

Anxiety is like an angry spirit lingering, you never know of its presence until you feel its breath down your back. You do not feel threatened until its hands are around your neck. Anxiety is always there, in the shadows. Over time, we get better at hiding it, but that does not mean we are not silently suffering.