My body weight has always fluctuated. I have never been the same weight, on and off. I was always kind of a chubby kid but not to the point where I had to worry about myself. Most peoples self-esteems come from the evaluation of others and what they think about you. From my personal experience, I would say that that isn't always true.
I remember in middle school, a time and place of hell for anyone who doesn't meet the "standard" for beauty of that time, I was that person who didn't meet them. I was always observant of the other girls and wondering why I wasn't shaped like that. How did they eat more than me at lunch yet I was the one gaining weight? I have never thought of that as fair, never at all. But it didn't really bother me as much as when a group of boys started calling me a pig and that they would never date someone like me. It made me realize my weight, but before that, I had never put myself in another category of person.
Then high school came along. It was a troubling time for me. I was so nervous that I didn't eat anything the first week. When I saw the girls that were roaming the halls, they looked like supermodels. They had the perfect bodies, the ones that I wanted and the ones I would never have. I was basically turning into a mom body, which I have already had for awhile now. Guys would talk to my friend, but never to me. They would look and ogle over these girls as if their looks were the only thing guiding them at the time.
Pretty much, if you wanted to, you could definitely get by on just that. These girls just never bothered me until other people started noticing me for the wrong things. They would say I was gonna die early and that I didn't do anything more than sit around and eat all day. Food just affected me differently than other people. My body wants to gain weight faster than others. But back then, I wasn't big at all. I was under 200 and completely okay with myself. The real deal with today is that we tend to measure ourselves in moments and what we see online. So the real standard of beauty is really in the eye of the beholder.
I have gone shopping with numerous friends and have never really judged myself until certain people have to point out the larger sizes I have to pick instead of a 2. I don't need to the recognition of those sizes because it is only a number and everywhere it is different. I am allowed to enjoy what I have and what I don't have. It would be nice if we could live in a world where your weight didn't decide how people treat you, but we have a long way to go with that.