You'd think the transition from deciding there needed to be a change to actually making a change was the difficult part for me, but that merely left a scratch compared to the feelings I felt once. I realized I was no longer the same person anymore. I think at some point in your life, everyone goes through this realization that the person they are right now, isn't the person they ultimately want to be for the rest of their life. It's a hard conclusion to come to on your own, so many times we have multiple people to blame for pushing us there. Others make the change themselves, and that's perfectly fine too.

For me, starting over required changing myself to the point of exhaustion. Not because someone else made me, but because in all actuality I knew it was what needed to happen in order for me to see the changes in my life I wanted to. I made excuse after excuse to stay the person I was that resulted in me being unhappy. I tried blaming so many different people in my life for feeling this way, when one day I realized I had no one else to accuse but myself.

I'm the reason my life wasn't going where I wanted it to go. I stayed at the same job, with the same guy, doing the same things. I feared changing my routine so much in case what was in store for me made me even more unhappy. The thing is, if you're unhappy now, don't wait to change because you're worried that whatever it is you're so desperate to change might look even worse the first time. Keep making changes until you're happy, or you'll live the rest of your wondering what would have happened if you just would've tried.

There are people today that don't recognize the person I've become. Some have nothing but mean words to say about that, but I find that many of those people were the ones complaining about the person I use to be, too. I learned to stop giving control to those that add zero impact to who I want to be both then and now.

Starting over for anyone is scary, and I know there are so many people out there that have yet to do it solely from fear alone. Can you imagine going everyday for the rest of your life wondering if the changes you could have made yesterday, 4 months ago, or 20 years ago, could have resulted in the happiness you looked for for so long?

I made a decision to become happy-that was the easy part.

I then had to change in order to become happy-this was rather difficult for me.

Now I have to look back-this is the hardest.

You'd think it was hard because of the moments I miss from an entirely different person, and sometimes you're right, I do.

The challenging part was looking back-knowing that so many times I told myself changes needed to be made, but I was too afraid to do anything about it.

I was sitting with my brother the other night, and I just looked at him and almost started crying. He was completely different from the little brother I once had, and that thought scared the hell out of me. You live each day not realizing that moments are passing you by you'll never get back. What some of us don't seem to think of is the fact that the memories passing us by, are with people that may not be the same the next day. But I remember just looking at my brother and knowing he was so happy with the person he evolved into. Who was I to make him feel any type of sadness over that? Sure it wasn't the person I made countless memories with, but it was a brand new person I could make new ones with.

We are all afraid of watching someone we love change. It's partly because we're worried if they change we might not love them in the same way we use to. But if we continue loving someone who doesn't love themselves, who really wins?

I had to start completely over, change myself in every way I felt necessary, and when I finally did I noticed little things looking up for me.

I stopped worrying if my opinion would make someone else mad because my opinion shouldn't have to change on account of anyone's feelings.

I stopped looking down at my feet when I walked past a group of girls that I felt intimidated by. God made me exactly how he intended to, and I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

I allowed myself to speak up. I was tired of holding back how I felt in fear someone wouldn't approve of it. If I never tell, no one will ever know, and shouldn't we all be heard in some way?

I could write a 200 page book on all the different ways I've molded myself into a woman I'm proud of, but I know not many people care. The point of this is to tell all my readers out there to stop fearing the change that you know you need to make. Start over. I'm serious, try it, start over and allow yourself the pleasure of sleeping in on days you tell yourself you shouldn't. Stop feeling so guilty about eating that piece of cake you feel the need to post it on Facebook. If you want, eat the whole damn thing, that's fine. The only person that should care is yourself, and if anyone else does? Screw them.

I started over to make myself happy again.

I have a new job, new passion, new lover, and new inspirations. I've never been happier before. I've never been more proud of myself. I just wish everyone else could set aside their fear so they could feel it too. The world is kind of in need of more happy people right now.

I know it sounds scary, to be honest, it kinda is.

You'll question yourself for awhile if things don't immediately look up, but give it time.

I promise, in the end, it's well worth it.