What It Means To Be Passively Suicidal

What It Means To Be Passively Suicidal

I don't want to die, but I do.

I want to die.

Except I don’t, not really, not all the time. Except I do, but the thought of actually dying is terrifying. I’m not exactly suicidal, but I’m not not suicidal. I’m what my friends and I call, passively suicidal. I want to die, but I’m probably not going to kill myself.

I have only ever been to the point where I was willing to take my own life once, in my freshman year of high school, but the only way I thought I could was with pills and I hated swallowing pills. I got two down before I decided it wasn’t worth it. After that point, I’ve never actively tried to kill myself, but I have gotten to the same point where I was when I tried and lower.

The problem with trying to kill myself is that I would rather take the evil I know over the mystery I don’t. I have no idea what happens after death, so I don’t know if it is better or worse than what I’m going through at any given moment. If the afterlife turns out to be eternal torture, I’d rather feel like a piece of shit here.

The moral of the story is, just because someone isn’t actively trying to kill themselves doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. Just because you’re pretty confident they would never actually kill themselves, that they’re just passively suicidal, doesn’t mean you can put off helping them.

Without a solid support system, there will be a day where they’ll feel like whatever is on the other side has to be better than real life.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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22 Post Malone ‘beerbongs & bentleys’ Lyrics College Kids Will Use As Insta Captions This Summer

It's here, and it's fire.

If you didn't know, I am really not sure how you wouldn't know, but it's fine, Post Malone's new album FINALLY came out! Posty has time and time again proven that he's a trailblazer in the music industry. His genre is a mix of everything, from rap to acoustic guitar, and he sounds like he's at home in both settings.

Here it is, a list of Post Malone lyrics you'll use or see as Instagram captions. I can already feel it, this summer is Posty's summer –– a summer for "beerbongs & bentleys."

1. "Spoil My Night" - "Won't you come spoil my night?"

2. "Spoil My Night" - "Feelings come into play and I'm thinkin' this happens every time"

3. "Spoil My Night" - "Yeah, when I walk up in a party, they all act like they know me"

4. "Zack and Codeine" - "Been livin' fast, no I can't take it slowly"

5. "Zack and Codeine" - "But it don't mean nothing without all my people"

6. "Zack and Codeine" - "Pour that drink 'cause we ain't sleepin' tonight"

7. "Takin Shots" - "Heard that there's a party, I might pay a visit"

8. "Takin Shots" - "Baby, just for the night, you my soulmate"

9. "Over Now" - "I'ma turn the tables, promise you will not forget it"

10. "Stay" - "Damn, who are we right now?"

11. "Blame It On Me" - "These hurricanes inside of my brain"

12. "Same Bitches" - "Bottles on deck, and my drink full"

13. "Same Bitches" - "Population four million, how I see the same bitches?"

14. "Jonestown" - "It happens every time"

15. "92 Explorer" - "She in the front seat head bangin'"

16. "Sugar Wraith" - "And then I went and changed my life"

17. "Sugar Wraith" - "I take the lead, they just follow"

18. "Rockstar" - "Sayin, 'I'm with the band'"

19. "Rockstar" - "Livin’ like a Rockstar, I’m livin’ like a Rockstar"

20. "Rockstar" - "Sweeter than a Pop-Tart”

21. "Psycho" - "Can’t really trust nobody with all this jewelry on you"

22. "Psycho" - "I got homies, let it go"

Cover Image Credit: Post Malone // Instagram

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I'm Here To Fix Your Summer Slump

So what it's a lazy day, let's make it slightly productive.

It's summertime. Most of your friends have gone back home and you have found yourself watching more Netflix than before, skipping the gym, and finding any excuse you can to be lazy. Maybe I am just describing myself, who knows.

But if you can relate, I am here to tell you that it is just fine. Sometimes you need a break from hectic days and to enjoy the peace and quiet. Don't think of it as a slump or wasting your summer, think of it as a little mental health break. I'm here to give you some ideas on how to spend your time and not feel like a complete couch potato.

First, begin with cleaning. Trust me, nothing is better than relaxing in a clean room after a long day and knowing that any chores that needed to be done are out of the way. Fold that laundry that has been sitting at the end of your bed, fix your pillows, and put away your sneakers. A clean room gives you a sigh of relief you didn't even know you needed.

Now you can grab that book, or your laptop with Netflix, and head outside in the sunshine. Whether you're tanning by the pool or simply relaxing in the sun, that fresh air is something you need and will make you feel 10x better than you did. Plus, tanning requires absolutely no effort so you're getting better looking by just sitting there and binge-watching Law and Order SVU.

Another good way to unwind but also get some steps is just taking a casual walk around your neighborhood. Pop in your headphones and enjoy your stroll, or grab your mom and catch up on your gossip. You're working out without even trying and you would be surprised how far you walk when you're in the zone. You could even do this on your bike and explore your hometown a little bit, whatever you're in the mood for.

One of my favorite past times when I'm in the mood to chill is getting creative. Whether I am painting or creating jewelry, it is a nice escape and gives you a little time to focus on something other than my boredom. Your mind is completely set on what you're making and nothing else. You end up with some relaxation time and a great piece to hang in your room.

Finally, as the day comes to an end, it is time to be as lazy as possible. Put on that face mask you haven't used yet, light a new candle, maybe even throw on your robe, and hop into bed. Now is your time to scroll through your social media feed and watch that movie you've been dying to see. Your cleanroom will put you even more at ease and make your room feel even cozier than before.

I hope these tips and tricks will allow you to unwind and have some time to yourself. Everyone deserves a break every now and then. But remember, summer is for spending time with loved ones, traveling, and everything in between. Make a conscious effort to make fun plans and reach out to those you haven't seen in a while. Eat good food and enjoy yourself. School will be back in session before you know it and you'll be missing summer, wishing you didn't waste it.

Cover Image Credit: Selby Proctor

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