What I'm Not Ashamed To Admit

What I'm Not Ashamed To Admit

Love is love.

If you don't like what I'm about to say, I just want you to know one thing: I really don't care. Exit out, block me, curse my name if that'll make you feel better. Just don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.

First off, I just want to say that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, I am not ashamed to admit that I fully support same-sex couples. And the most shocking part? I'm a Christian!

The funny thing is that half the people reading this article will think that I am a hypocrite. How dare I be a Christian and support such a shameful idea. The other half will use this as a tactic to demote religion. However, I don't think God will disown me as his child if I show the LGBT community my love and support.

Again: I do not care. Because only one person can judge me. The best part? That person is not you.

The way I see it, I will not let adulterers, thieves, liars, etc. rant on how homosexuals will be condemned to hell. One sin is not worse than another in the eyes of God. A major thing I heard several times growing up in a church was that "You could even murder someone," but, as long as you admit that Jesus is the son of God who was sent here to save you because of your sins, you will go to heaven.

How can someone that lives such an unholy life, go to heaven, but someone who believes in God, that believes these things, go to hell, because of who he/she is attracted to?

When I was 16 years old, I heard a preacher confess that when he attended college, he himself had had homosexual thoughts. In front of God and everyone he shared this. The ironic part is that God is the only one that we should worry about, yet I'm sure his heart was racing as he spoke these words to hundreds of Christians. In that moment, I had never respected anyone more. He also told us that he had invited a lesbian couple to attend next Sunday and that we should all welcome them.

So, I will not sit here and listen to a 16-year-old girl say how she cannot let this boy go because "the heart wants what it wants," and "You cannot help who you love." Almost everyone accepts these statements. Except when it comes to homosexuals. Then, the game changes completely.

Maybe I am so biased on this topic because my best friend is gay. The first person he told was me. I remember the tears as he questioned why God would make him this way. But, then I remembered: God loves everyone.

However, I can't imagine what he went through. You see, when you go to a high school of only 400 people, of course, people will make a scene when two boys start slow dancing together at prom. Honestly, though, I feel bad for those that had to call their parents and exclaim "Did you know they are gay?!" I truly, sincerely feel sorrow for those people. Instead of enjoying their prom night like my best friend, they took time out of their last high school dance to inform others of business that did not concern them.

A few weeks later, my best friend and I went on a double date. That's right: Three boys and one girl. The four of us carpooled to a huge college campus and went ice skating. I made them hold hands while I took pictures and captured cute candids. A few minutes later, something hit me: No one was looking at us. Nobody cared that two boys were skating hand in hand. Nobody judged them for caring about each other romantically.

That day restored my faith in humanity.

So, if you're one of many people who is judging me, my friend, or anyone who has homosexual thoughts, that's OK. I will pray for you. But, if you're one of the people that have a heart or are worried about what happened to this friend of mine, don't fret. He officially came out during his valedictorian speech. Right now, he is at John Hopkins University studying to become a doctor. The best part? The love of his life followed him halfway across the country. I guess they made their own special kind of fairytale. From Illinois to Maryland, you know what they say: the heart wants what it wants.

Cover Image Credit: Forsyth County News

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The untold demographic of the LGBT community.

As a Muslim who's been raised in the states, it's a pretty exciting journey. The insults, the looks, the word ‘oppressed’ whispered quietly. I am not exaggerating.

"Welcome to my life."

Believe me when I say I have come across so many journeys. It's extraordinary. But enough about that, because this is where things are going to get interesting.

As someone who uses Tumblr 75% of the time, I read so many things about the LGBT+ community. I have so many friends and coworkers that are in the community, including myself. I first thought, 'hey, maybe I'm bisexual because I think this girl is attractive,’ or, ‘maybe I'm gay, because I really like this girl'.

But, I was wrong. I kept doing research, and kept talking with so many people on so many different blogs, until I came across the best sexual orientation title for me.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has defined Pansexual as this: of, relating to, or characterized by sexual desire or attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.

That is who I began to identify myself as, and that's when everything went downhill. It's a wild ride.

As a Muslim, I will say that this religion is strict. Very strict. In their eyes, being queer is a sin, but that didn't stop me, or made me happy, and that freaking matters.

Media nowadays doesn’t show much of the LGBT+ community, because it's ‘not normal’ or ‘doesn’t appeal to the common person’. But, to credit the film industry, a movie called ‘Love, Simon’ was made after a book, and was a huge success. Such a good movie - a tear jerker!

There have been many people of color who are part of the community shine through on the many platforms of media.

I have not seen one Muslim represented.

It tugs at my heart because yes, we are people too, and yes, we can be queer too. We deserve some recognition. As someone who's both a Muslim woman, who's an American, and a queer, I believe it's time. It's time for everyone out there to fight back. Make a statement, show people that we, too, exist.

I understand if people who are reading this think I'm making a big deal, but have you ever met a queer Muslim? Are you friends with one? I highly doubt it.

Here's a fact, I was the only Muslim in our school's GSA (Gay Straight Alliance), and I felt welcomed, and I made so many friends. My new family. I felt as if I was finally part of a welcoming community, one with big arms that can give lovable hugs and the never ending support I have always wanted.

I've had the courage to come to terms with who I am as an individual. It's pretty much a very important life lesson. I've gotten a few good relationships, a few bad ones, and very good friends.

Here's a big ass thank you to Courtney, who taught me, that yes, most of my decisions may suck, but she still loves me. For Ian, because he's still there for me after putting up with my craziness for about 7 years, and lastly for Mallory, because not only is she a good friend, she's really good at making me laugh when I'm always feeling down. She's helped me out a lot since I've met her. I'm thankful for more than those three, but those three made a huge impact on my life.

I'll be straight (I'm not) with you, being a Muslim American living in these past few years, it's pretty heart-breaking. The looks I get from passing people is pretty shocking, like believe me. They act as if they haven't seen a Muslim woman wearing a piece of cloth on her head. Oh wait, it's not just a piece of cloth. It's a sign of modesty, a sign that I am a STRONG ass woman. A sign that I have been through so many hardships.

I had a really good friend of mine, one that was there for me throughout the last two years of high school. We bonded over our love for Panic! At The Disco, and our love for the TV show Supernatural, and how we saw ourselves in the two main characters from the show. We were like sisters, inseparable, and we thought we would live to the day we died.

We were wrong.

My depression got the best of me during the summer from my junior year to senior year. Trigger warning, but I actually considered self harming. I was at the lowest part of my life, and the only person I needed at the moment was her. Let's call her Bella. Everything went sideways, and she wouldn't talk to me after weeks of arguing. We argued over the smallest of things because one, I was a human who was going through a low point in life. I didn't know who I was back then, I didn't know what to do. She called our friendship toxic, that I was manipulative, that I wasn't a good friend. I believed her. I shut myself off from the rest of my friends, and thought maybe I'm not a good person. Maybe I was a failure to the eyes of my peers, but I thought wrong. That was a hardship, and I lived through it. I'm still going through it. Every day I hope for the better because that is what I deserve.

I deserve something good.

I deserve happiness.

I deserve better.

Put yourself in my shoes. You're still in the closet to some, you're out to others. You've got a bold sign above your head that reads " PANSEXUAL", and you have this idea of doing something with that. You have this brilliant, extraordinary idea and you don't know how to put it to the test.

So, you do what I did. You scream it out, you post about it on some sort of secret Tumblr, you wear pins with anything relating to the LGBT+ community.

I believe that I have impacted society as a whole. I believe that me, as a person has shaped the way this world is somehow. It's still growing, and I'm there to hold it's hand, and take it along for a wild ride.

Cover Image Credit: Wikipedia.org

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I Stopped Fighting The Rumors And Let People Out Me Instead

Losing control gave me power.

I rarely had the chance to come out myself. In a world where people usually respect your wishes to come out on your own time, mine was the opposite. Spiteful people have taken my confidence in them and used it as leverage in their game against me. It usually went with me telling one of my friends, who then felt she could trust her friend, which then resulted in everybody knowing.

But there was something easier about letting people out me. Because it took a month or so to get out, people took the time to know me first before they found out and didn’t portray their stereotypes on me. If I never mentioned my sexuality first, they would see it was because it wasn’t a defining part of myself and I saw no reason why it mattered.

I say this mainly because straight people see us differently when they no longer see us as straight. Their perception changes and you become more feminine and fitted to the stereotype. A lot of gay people know exactly what I’m talking about. We are used to it, but usually, we spend all our time proving them wrong or just making them see that sexuality isn’t linked to our defining personalities or emotions.

You can’t stop people from talking, I know that well. You can, however, choose to see the benefits of what is being done to you. I could ask people to keep it a secret, to not see me differently, or get to know me better all I want. But, I feel that it is better to let the people in your life that would judge you the most get to know you before they actually know you. That way, you can prove to them that gay people aren't a stereotype, we are individuals who are sick of being labeled.

Cover Image Credit: Lynn van Beersum

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