Throughout history, Americans have been notorious for saying “Yes” and for doing it all. As a nation and society, we have wanted to constantly be on top so we try to pile as much on to our plates as possible. This mentality is not always for our benefit.
Now, America has been saying “Yes” for so long that this practice has trickled down to some of the youngest and most vulnerable members of our population: high school and college students. Our society is not going to change anytime soon because we are training the future generations of American leaders to continuously say “Yes.”
This phenomenon all starts as early as the age of 13 or 14 when kids enter high school and even in that first year of high school they are having the prospect of college shoved down their throats. The process of college admissions has evolved into a soul sucking monster that books up high school students’ agendas with college test prep, five different extracurricular activities, some sort of summer job, a leadership position or two, good grades, etc., etc. This was my experience with the college admissions process at least, and choosing a range of activities that would show “depth” instead of “breadth” was what I was repeatedly told by college counselors and media sources around me.
It was overwhelming to think every single step of the way how a decision about what I wanted to do after school with my time would potentially decide my future based on how a college admissions reader would pick apart my application later.
Which leads high school students to start saying "Yes" to things, and then never stopping. They fear if they say "No" a college down the line may say "No" to them.
This mentality of having to constantly build up a resume has come with me to college. One might think that, you made it into college, I can stop, I can breathe a sigh of relief, I made it. I thought so too. Until you then realize that after college lies the “real world” and means at the end of the next four years you are going to have to find a career, that will last you longer than the 10-12 weeks a summer internship might. So, the cycle starts again, building up your resume, trying to accumulate more and more impressive titles that will give you learning experience to bring with you to a post-grad job.
I have found myself especially stuck in this rut lately. With summer about to begin I have been looking since January for a summer internship, and nothing has worked out. It has been frustrating and a bit disappointing to me to think that at the end of the summer I would have had some impressive experience. However, I am not doing nothing this summer. I am returning to work as a scooper at Ben and Jerry’s.
I need to remind myself that it is about depth instead of breadth. Coming back to this job means that I can hold down work and that I am committed to what I do. I may not be doing a brand-new experience but I am getting better at providing customer service and further developing skills that I already have. This opportunity will also give me flexibility to enjoy my summer and say “Yes” to myself instead of saying “Yes” to the demands of a summer internship.
This is all to say, sometimes we need to realize that not doing something new, or not saying “yes” to something is okay.
Americans have been saying “Yes” for so long that we have forgotten the benefits of saying “No” to some opportunities for the sake of our personal sanity or other commitments in our life.
Recently in the class I am taking on Adult Development we had a lengthy conversation about how we manage our stress and our professor brought up the one possible solution of just saying “No.” For one girl in our class, it was an enlightening revolution. It was as if she had never realized she always had two options when responding to a request, you can say “Yes” or you can say “No.”
For the rest of us in the class it was also a time for reflection and realization to remind ourselves that we do have the ability to say “No” to things.
It is a shame that our society and culture has seemingly wiped away our ability to say “No.”
Imagine if we were all just focused on a few really good things that brought us a sense of passion what our world would be like, instead of us trying to sprint from one obligation to the next, not spending nearly enough time on everything as we would like?
A resume is only supposed to be one page, so why do we keep saying “Yes” to things that would make it longer?
What if the one thing we said “Yes” to was ourselves. Right now, by getting caught into traps of busyness, the only thing we are able to say “No” to is ourselves. It is a common habit to put others before ourselves, when we have to be happiest with ourselves for the longer than we have to be happy with anyone else.
So as a challenge to you, start saying “No.” Say “No” to the friend who wants to get dinner, or “No” to the person who wants a few more hours of your time for a project. Say “No” to a leadership opportunity that comes. Once you say “No,” see what happens. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but then you realize the sky isn’t caving in, you’re still standing, you’re still valued, and loved. You are okay for saying “No.”
So say it, say “No.”